Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Keeping with tradition, I have decided to review the movie Troy, based on an original script written by Homer Simpson. I saw the movie and it was longer than I expected, so I am relying on my razor sharp memory skills to write this short review.

Troy, played by Bradd Pittt (the rest of his character makeup is left as an exercise for the reader) travels to Paris to free Agamemnon from the Texans, who have kidnapped his wife Helen for nefarious porpoises. A war ensues.

Hector, played by the Indelible Hulk, almost grows a beard. Unfortunately, Troy mistakes him for his cousin and slays him. Think of the Alexei Sayle song "Didn't you kill my brother?" and you will get the idea.

By this stage, the war is in full swing and no-one really wants to leave. Luckily Boromir makes a cameo appearance and writes a Trojan Horse virus, which he emails to Paris, and the confused Texans can make neither head nor tail of it. During the night, the virus propagates and destroys everything on the Texans' hard drive.

Agamemnon is slain, but not by Troy, who is slain anyway. Helen exits stage left, pursued by Apollo.

The End.


Anonymous said...

This cannot be right. Apollo was killed by the big Russian guy, Ivan Drago (aka Dolph Lundgren) at the start of Rocky 4.

So the Russian was actually a Swede, who is better known for having a Masters in Chemical Engineering from Sinney Yooney, and being a Fulbright Scholar(!). He was also once the Australian Heavyweight Karate champion.

OK enough trivia...


Jeff Jones said...

Jeez you're right. I must have had my eyes closed at that point. Merely honing my journalism skills before Le Tour. Never let the facts get in the way of a good story, right?

I didn't know Dolphy went to Sinney Yooney. Fulbright scholar indeed! I feel honoured and humbled now. Don't forget Drago also went to UQ to become a vet and caned everyone in the TT in Armidale.