Keeping with tradition, I have decided to review the movie Troy, based on an original script written by Homer Simpson. I saw the movie and it was longer than I expected, so I am relying on my razor sharp memory skills to write this short review.
Troy, played by Bradd Pittt (the rest of his character makeup is left as an exercise for the reader) travels to Paris to free Agamemnon from the Texans, who have kidnapped his wife Helen for nefarious porpoises. A war ensues.
Hector, played by the Indelible Hulk, almost grows a beard. Unfortunately, Troy mistakes him for his cousin and slays him. Think of the Alexei Sayle song "Didn't you kill my brother?" and you will get the idea.
By this stage, the war is in full swing and no-one really wants to leave. Luckily Boromir makes a cameo appearance and writes a Trojan Horse virus, which he emails to Paris, and the confused Texans can make neither head nor tail of it. During the night, the virus propagates and destroys everything on the Texans' hard drive.
Agamemnon is slain, but not by Troy, who is slain anyway. Helen exits stage left, pursued by Apollo.
The End.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Sunday, June 27, 2004
A celebratory blog or three
Ik ben a tad moe, maar gelukkig na mijn laatste koers voor de Ronde van Frankrijk. Yes, today (Saturday) was my last race before the Tour madness takes over in July, and it turned out to be a good one that called for some post race celebratory drinkypoos. Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Somehow I think that it wouldn't have affected the quantity of beer consumed.
But first, to the footy and stuff.
Europe appears to be in the grip of footy mania, also known as Euro 2004. Kinda like the World Cup but not quite as big. I only realised it was on the other day when Portugal beat the poms which was strangely gratifying. It's the quarterfinals and today was Sweden versus The Netherlands.
I generally can't stand soccer so I didn't watch much of it. I think I turned it on with 8 minutes to go and it was still nil all. I couldn't bear all the excitement so I turned it off. Then about half an hour later I turned it back on and it was still nil all and each side was taking turns booting the footy somewhere in the vicinity of the opposing team's goalie. I'm not sure I understand the attraction. I think the Dutch finally got it past the Swedes and that was it.
Today's Match of the Day report was brought to you by Hoegaarden and Maes.
Zwijnaarde
Firstly, I'm not going to explain how to pronounce Zwijnaarde, suffice to say that it's only 5 km from my place, so it presented an ideal diversion from a somewhat heavy day worth of national championships.
TV interlude: Chantal Beltman (2nd in the Dutch women's RR) has braces. Hmm. Rabobank's Thomas Dekker the Younger and Bas Giling 1-2'd them in the U23 RR and Giling won. Nice. I can watch several championships tomorrow on my newly working TV. Cool.
Back to TMF. By the way, I'm not actually doing this reportage under the influence, despite the celebratory repast pictured below:
Who needs champers? Beer and chocolate ice cream are all we require. Sorry about the dodgy background.
A closer inspection of this photo and these results reveals that somehow I managed to swindle fourth place in the race. I think my previous best in a kermis was about 12th way back in 1999 when I was riding "full time", and since then I've dreamed of finishing top 10. Thus today took me a bit by surprise.
It was a weird day. I had spent the morning working on news and didn't really feel in the mood for a race, mentally more than physically. It's been a very busy month with a lot of late nights (hmm, I wonder why?) and I wanted to get this last race out of the way so I could have a bit of a break before doing some more in August.
The weather was weird too. It was overcast but not too windy, unlike a couple of days ago. But we had this strange rain that kept falling throughout the race, although it was never enough to make the roads wet. It was annoying me, and I'm not easily annoyed by the weather.
There were only 25 starters and a few strong riders, including Christophe Bracke (John Saey), Didier De Lannoy (Maximize), Tom Vlerick (St Martinus), Bart Velghe (Keukens Redant) and Andries Verspeeten (Jong Vlaanderen 2016). There were also 10 Kingsnorth International Wheelers(!), plus another ring-in kiwi and pommy, which meant half the bloody field was anglo! Matt Chessum (an Aussie) was one of them and he's always consistently in the top few. AKIRA Wong was there too, but no Welsh Mari Lywd today. Maybe he was singing in the dudelsack skele-chor. Dem bones, dem bones dem...dry bones! enzovoort.
Musical interlude: Kraftwerk!! very fine.
Course: 19 laps of 6.15 km, 10 corners, lots of speed humps and a short cobbled section with a kink in it after the start/finish. This is all according to my speedo which may or may not be accurate as I don't think it's calibrated for Einsteinian relativity and Hartree-Fock Theory. I haven't yet done much testing of its quantum tunnelling capacity as I only got it the other day after my other one finally went bung. I also got a new rear tyre after Henk's fietstocht - it's an orange and black Maxxis Un Categorie. Hate the colour but the tyres are generally excellent.
Oh dear this is really rambling. Get to the point man. I'm watching monkeys trying to type out the complete works of Bill Shakespeare on keyboards on MTV. It's not working. I am one of those monkeys. I have now turned off the TV and my head suddenly feels better.
Start: Rolled out, and straight away Bart Velghe attacked, allegedly inspired by a bunch of beautiful girls, and he spent the next three laps in front as is his wont. There was an interesting cheer squad at the start/finish - I think a whole lotta cyclotourists rocked up and had a few beers. Very loud. Especially when they got on the PA! Funny though.
After we caught Big Bad Bart he started yelling at everyone in general for the rest of the race. Maybe he was yelling when he was out in front too. I really don't know why he does this as it creates unnecessary tension. I think he should be more considerate of others' delicate feelings. He also had a tendency to do turns and/or attack in the 53x12 (a rather big gear for those unfamiliar with the jargon). It didn't matter how fast we were going, here was Bart mashing away in a monstrous gear, showing us all that he was super strong. And yelling. Make the yelling stop please. Calm blue ocean.
I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that this is merely part of his character makeup. I will not cast aspersions on the Bartman. Nup. Not I, sonny Jim TV.
So the usual attack-fest followed, and I went with one or two but I got the idea that people were anxious to keep things together for a bit. Didier De Lannoy went with (at least) every attack and probably more that I didn't count. He was strong and I noted this on a piece of paper. Christophe Bracke was always there too, but he punctured and was somewhat peeved, as he probably would have won today.
After a bit, three guys got 20-30 seconds on us: AKIRA Wong, Andries from Jong Vlaanderen 2016 (very cool jersey) and Michel Dult. We sorta moseyed along behind them, keeping the gap constant for a few laps before things het up at halfkoers. Tom Vlerick, Bart Velghe and Didier bridged up in quick time, then Matt Chessum (playing the dummy hand today) steamed across on his own. A couple of other guys got up and there were suddenly eight in front because AKIRA was knackered from being in the early break and came back to the fold.
Despite having 10 guys in the race, Kingsnorth only managed to get one rider (Matt) in the break. However, they still didn't bother chasing so on the next lap, I had a bit of a go with a couple of other dudes and although we thought the front eight were gone for good, somehow we got across to them without killing ourselves. Proof that my speedo and I can do quantum tunneling and Hartree-Fock Theory.
"You can't do it alone," said the Belgian dude (possibly Steven Goossens) with the funky multicoloured long socks on the previous lap before we attacked. He was right and I am glad for his insight and wisdom.
Anyway, once I recovered from the shock of actually closing the gap to the front group, I thunk to meself, 'This is a bit of alright,' (sorry, get confused with grammar and tenseness). Why? Because there were now 11 of us and I could see the police car in front, which meant that I was actually in the kopgroep and with a realistic shout of a top 10 for the first time ever in the History of the World Part I. We weren't deep in the final yet though...
Being somewhat paranoid that the group behind would close the gap, I did a fair bit of work. I mean, it wasn't so hard for us to get across so why not them? So easy is it. Fortunately it didn't happen as I think we broke their spirit with such an audacious move.
The hemi-semi-demi-rain was really giving me the pip at this moment in time.
I think I was a bit lucky that there weren't too many toppers in the front group, as we rolled around pretty steadily for the next few laps, with Bart Velghe yelling at all and sundry. People started yelling back for fun and it was quite a family party atmosphere in our groepje. Silly hats, cocktail umbrellas and all.
Inspired by the lunatics on the start finish line, I even went for a prime (sprint cash prize of €12) on one of the laps, after seeing Didier take one on the previous lap. Unfortunately my synchronisation was off yet again, because after I charged across the line unchallenged (and got yelled at by Bart) I realised that the primes were only every second lap. D'oh! How misguided of moi.
Started to get the old cramp feeling in the last few laps, so I kept drinking my cold tea and water. No spare bottle today, as despite my generous offer a few weeks ago for someone to be my begeleider called Janet Jones, I did not receive many applications. None in fact. Not a sausage or a brass razoo (spelling has been corrected, thanks Josh). I think that's why I'm so bitter and drink tea.
Prime-less but still keen for a top 10, I kept beetling away until about 3 laps to go when the attacks started. Didn't really have the right kind of legs to make a Massive Attack but I tried and chased down a few. Didier seemed to have been in every one of them, and Matt Chessum was quite strong too. I think I was on the front just before the overpass bridge with 2 laps to go when Didier and Matt cleared out, and there was no stopping them. Yo later dudes!
By the end of the lap they had 20 seconds and we were definitely racing for third with 1 lap to go. Wow, never been in this situation before in a kermis! Surprisingly there were no more counter-attacks. Maybe people were subdued by the leaders having 30 seconds (by now) and more of Bart Velghe's yelling.
The finale was a bit tricky, as there were five corners in the last 1.5 km or thereabouts. I knew that the idea was to get to the second last corner in the lead, because it was very difficult to get past anyone in that last 400m. Despite this, almost everyone went past me before the third last corner and I thought that 10th was looking like a probable option. Somewhat fortuitously, someone (I think it was Bert De Wispelaere) attacked on the long straight with about 1 km to go, and as it was the first real attack, everyone chased...
Then I realised that I could execute my cunning plan and it took absolutely zero hesitation on my part to counter as hard as I could down the right side of the road. There was about 400m to go to the second last corner and my aim was purely to get there first. Only one guy got my wheel - Tom Vlerick - and he kept urging me ownard Christian soldiers! I didn't need that encouragement at all as I was playing the percentages. I definitely didn't care if he beat me for third!
Tom had no problems getting around me before the last corner and I followed him over the line for fourth, with the tenacious Bert De W. finishing fifth. Mr Velghe was 10th (and last of our group, as Andries' stem had come loose on the last lap). I'm sure Bart was not particularly gruntled with the way things panned out. In Bottelare I remember him crossing the line yelling "Klootzaken!". Here's a tip: only use your 53x12 for sprinting and switch to decaf.
Incredulous, I rolled back over the start/finish, congratulated Didier and then went into the rustic, open air kleedkamers to listen to the tales of woe from the Kingsnorth riders. Poor old Our Don Gamble had punctured too. Then I could pick up my fabulous prize in the back room upstairs. Cool!
Quelle fabulous prize! Should almost cover the tyres...
Note: There were no mentions of Arse Sport riders in this report because there weren't any in today's race. I repeat, there were no Arse Sport riders. Pity.
Oh dearie me it's late.
But first, to the footy and stuff.
Europe appears to be in the grip of footy mania, also known as Euro 2004. Kinda like the World Cup but not quite as big. I only realised it was on the other day when Portugal beat the poms which was strangely gratifying. It's the quarterfinals and today was Sweden versus The Netherlands.
I generally can't stand soccer so I didn't watch much of it. I think I turned it on with 8 minutes to go and it was still nil all. I couldn't bear all the excitement so I turned it off. Then about half an hour later I turned it back on and it was still nil all and each side was taking turns booting the footy somewhere in the vicinity of the opposing team's goalie. I'm not sure I understand the attraction. I think the Dutch finally got it past the Swedes and that was it.
Today's Match of the Day report was brought to you by Hoegaarden and Maes.
Zwijnaarde
Firstly, I'm not going to explain how to pronounce Zwijnaarde, suffice to say that it's only 5 km from my place, so it presented an ideal diversion from a somewhat heavy day worth of national championships.
TV interlude: Chantal Beltman (2nd in the Dutch women's RR) has braces. Hmm. Rabobank's Thomas Dekker the Younger and Bas Giling 1-2'd them in the U23 RR and Giling won. Nice. I can watch several championships tomorrow on my newly working TV. Cool.
Back to TMF. By the way, I'm not actually doing this reportage under the influence, despite the celebratory repast pictured below:
Who needs champers? Beer and chocolate ice cream are all we require. Sorry about the dodgy background.
A closer inspection of this photo and these results reveals that somehow I managed to swindle fourth place in the race. I think my previous best in a kermis was about 12th way back in 1999 when I was riding "full time", and since then I've dreamed of finishing top 10. Thus today took me a bit by surprise.
It was a weird day. I had spent the morning working on news and didn't really feel in the mood for a race, mentally more than physically. It's been a very busy month with a lot of late nights (hmm, I wonder why?) and I wanted to get this last race out of the way so I could have a bit of a break before doing some more in August.
The weather was weird too. It was overcast but not too windy, unlike a couple of days ago. But we had this strange rain that kept falling throughout the race, although it was never enough to make the roads wet. It was annoying me, and I'm not easily annoyed by the weather.
There were only 25 starters and a few strong riders, including Christophe Bracke (John Saey), Didier De Lannoy (Maximize), Tom Vlerick (St Martinus), Bart Velghe (Keukens Redant) and Andries Verspeeten (Jong Vlaanderen 2016). There were also 10 Kingsnorth International Wheelers(!), plus another ring-in kiwi and pommy, which meant half the bloody field was anglo! Matt Chessum (an Aussie) was one of them and he's always consistently in the top few. AKIRA Wong was there too, but no Welsh Mari Lywd today. Maybe he was singing in the dudelsack skele-chor. Dem bones, dem bones dem...dry bones! enzovoort.
Musical interlude: Kraftwerk!! very fine.
Course: 19 laps of 6.15 km, 10 corners, lots of speed humps and a short cobbled section with a kink in it after the start/finish. This is all according to my speedo which may or may not be accurate as I don't think it's calibrated for Einsteinian relativity and Hartree-Fock Theory. I haven't yet done much testing of its quantum tunnelling capacity as I only got it the other day after my other one finally went bung. I also got a new rear tyre after Henk's fietstocht - it's an orange and black Maxxis Un Categorie. Hate the colour but the tyres are generally excellent.
Oh dear this is really rambling. Get to the point man. I'm watching monkeys trying to type out the complete works of Bill Shakespeare on keyboards on MTV. It's not working. I am one of those monkeys. I have now turned off the TV and my head suddenly feels better.
Start: Rolled out, and straight away Bart Velghe attacked, allegedly inspired by a bunch of beautiful girls, and he spent the next three laps in front as is his wont. There was an interesting cheer squad at the start/finish - I think a whole lotta cyclotourists rocked up and had a few beers. Very loud. Especially when they got on the PA! Funny though.
After we caught Big Bad Bart he started yelling at everyone in general for the rest of the race. Maybe he was yelling when he was out in front too. I really don't know why he does this as it creates unnecessary tension. I think he should be more considerate of others' delicate feelings. He also had a tendency to do turns and/or attack in the 53x12 (a rather big gear for those unfamiliar with the jargon). It didn't matter how fast we were going, here was Bart mashing away in a monstrous gear, showing us all that he was super strong. And yelling. Make the yelling stop please. Calm blue ocean.
I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that this is merely part of his character makeup. I will not cast aspersions on the Bartman. Nup. Not I, sonny Jim TV.
So the usual attack-fest followed, and I went with one or two but I got the idea that people were anxious to keep things together for a bit. Didier De Lannoy went with (at least) every attack and probably more that I didn't count. He was strong and I noted this on a piece of paper. Christophe Bracke was always there too, but he punctured and was somewhat peeved, as he probably would have won today.
After a bit, three guys got 20-30 seconds on us: AKIRA Wong, Andries from Jong Vlaanderen 2016 (very cool jersey) and Michel Dult. We sorta moseyed along behind them, keeping the gap constant for a few laps before things het up at halfkoers. Tom Vlerick, Bart Velghe and Didier bridged up in quick time, then Matt Chessum (playing the dummy hand today) steamed across on his own. A couple of other guys got up and there were suddenly eight in front because AKIRA was knackered from being in the early break and came back to the fold.
Despite having 10 guys in the race, Kingsnorth only managed to get one rider (Matt) in the break. However, they still didn't bother chasing so on the next lap, I had a bit of a go with a couple of other dudes and although we thought the front eight were gone for good, somehow we got across to them without killing ourselves. Proof that my speedo and I can do quantum tunneling and Hartree-Fock Theory.
"You can't do it alone," said the Belgian dude (possibly Steven Goossens) with the funky multicoloured long socks on the previous lap before we attacked. He was right and I am glad for his insight and wisdom.
Anyway, once I recovered from the shock of actually closing the gap to the front group, I thunk to meself, 'This is a bit of alright,' (sorry, get confused with grammar and tenseness). Why? Because there were now 11 of us and I could see the police car in front, which meant that I was actually in the kopgroep and with a realistic shout of a top 10 for the first time ever in the History of the World Part I. We weren't deep in the final yet though...
Being somewhat paranoid that the group behind would close the gap, I did a fair bit of work. I mean, it wasn't so hard for us to get across so why not them? So easy is it. Fortunately it didn't happen as I think we broke their spirit with such an audacious move.
The hemi-semi-demi-rain was really giving me the pip at this moment in time.
I think I was a bit lucky that there weren't too many toppers in the front group, as we rolled around pretty steadily for the next few laps, with Bart Velghe yelling at all and sundry. People started yelling back for fun and it was quite a family party atmosphere in our groepje. Silly hats, cocktail umbrellas and all.
Inspired by the lunatics on the start finish line, I even went for a prime (sprint cash prize of €12) on one of the laps, after seeing Didier take one on the previous lap. Unfortunately my synchronisation was off yet again, because after I charged across the line unchallenged (and got yelled at by Bart) I realised that the primes were only every second lap. D'oh! How misguided of moi.
Started to get the old cramp feeling in the last few laps, so I kept drinking my cold tea and water. No spare bottle today, as despite my generous offer a few weeks ago for someone to be my begeleider called Janet Jones, I did not receive many applications. None in fact. Not a sausage or a brass razoo (spelling has been corrected, thanks Josh). I think that's why I'm so bitter and drink tea.
Prime-less but still keen for a top 10, I kept beetling away until about 3 laps to go when the attacks started. Didn't really have the right kind of legs to make a Massive Attack but I tried and chased down a few. Didier seemed to have been in every one of them, and Matt Chessum was quite strong too. I think I was on the front just before the overpass bridge with 2 laps to go when Didier and Matt cleared out, and there was no stopping them. Yo later dudes!
By the end of the lap they had 20 seconds and we were definitely racing for third with 1 lap to go. Wow, never been in this situation before in a kermis! Surprisingly there were no more counter-attacks. Maybe people were subdued by the leaders having 30 seconds (by now) and more of Bart Velghe's yelling.
The finale was a bit tricky, as there were five corners in the last 1.5 km or thereabouts. I knew that the idea was to get to the second last corner in the lead, because it was very difficult to get past anyone in that last 400m. Despite this, almost everyone went past me before the third last corner and I thought that 10th was looking like a probable option. Somewhat fortuitously, someone (I think it was Bert De Wispelaere) attacked on the long straight with about 1 km to go, and as it was the first real attack, everyone chased...
Then I realised that I could execute my cunning plan and it took absolutely zero hesitation on my part to counter as hard as I could down the right side of the road. There was about 400m to go to the second last corner and my aim was purely to get there first. Only one guy got my wheel - Tom Vlerick - and he kept urging me ownard Christian soldiers! I didn't need that encouragement at all as I was playing the percentages. I definitely didn't care if he beat me for third!
Tom had no problems getting around me before the last corner and I followed him over the line for fourth, with the tenacious Bert De W. finishing fifth. Mr Velghe was 10th (and last of our group, as Andries' stem had come loose on the last lap). I'm sure Bart was not particularly gruntled with the way things panned out. In Bottelare I remember him crossing the line yelling "Klootzaken!". Here's a tip: only use your 53x12 for sprinting and switch to decaf.
Incredulous, I rolled back over the start/finish, congratulated Didier and then went into the rustic, open air kleedkamers to listen to the tales of woe from the Kingsnorth riders. Poor old Our Don Gamble had punctured too. Then I could pick up my fabulous prize in the back room upstairs. Cool!
Quelle fabulous prize! Should almost cover the tyres...
Note: There were no mentions of Arse Sport riders in this report because there weren't any in today's race. I repeat, there were no Arse Sport riders. Pity.
Oh dearie me it's late.
Friday, June 25, 2004
The weather and Harry Potter
Meer slecht weer vandaag - regen en heel veel wind. Maar niet even slecht als gisteren. Ik werd bijna van mijn fiets geblazen! Sorry for the a) probably bad Dutch grammar and b) complaints about the weather. But I believe that it's justified. We've had 15 degrees or so, ridiculous strength winds, with the odd spot of rain now and again and again and again. And it's supposed to be midsummer! If that doesn't give you bad grammar, I don't know what does.
Being such a whinger (it's in my blood after all), I demand an enquiry into the European summer. I think I was spoiled rotten here last year. All of you folks in Australia putting up with 26 degrees and sun can stop your smirking right this instant!
Yeah I know it was over 30 degrees a few weeks ago, but that was only for coupla days. Jeez, even on Henk's Fietstocht I went out in a woollen jersey, arm and leg warmers, booties and I didn't even get too hot. They say it's gunna improve in the next few days and I hope it does or I'll demand by money back. All of it. Now.
Harry Potter 3: The revenge
Speaking of the weather, I did manage to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban along with all the other kiddies, who I must say were poorly behaved. Talking and giggling and whatnot. We were never like that when we were young. Shocking state of affairs. I think the world has gone to pot(ter).
But I seen it and it wasn't half bad. I even liked it better than the first two which were almost too much like the books. I haven't got the book handy but I hope they didn't leave the Yule Ball out. Maybe that's in book 4. Yeah it is, I just checked on www.harrypotterfanclub.com. This is rather funny:
Fred Weasley has to find a partner for the ball, which he does by yelling across the common room "Oi, Angelina!"
"What," she called back.
"Want to come to the ball with me?"
Angelina gave Fred an appraising sort of look. "All right, then."
Anyway... Dumbledore is played by Michael Gambon this time, as the other dude (Richard Harris) snuffed it a coupla years ago. But he was good too. Gambon I mean. David Thewlis (who played opposite Gambon in the Singing Detective) plays Professor Lupin, who has a spot of bother with a bit of the old lycanthropy from time to time. Sirius Black is played by Gary Oldman from Bram Stoker's Dracula and other flicks.
All the others are pretty much the same as the first two movies and they were ok too. Look for Dawn French as the Portrait of the Fat Lady. Thought the kids should have been in school clothes instead of normal clothes. Their parents were obviously slacking that morning.
This movie review is rapidly deteriorating into garbage and dribble (no beer this time either). I think the reason for this is because I've been using my newfound cable TV (see post below) to watch MTV/Jim/TMF or Portugal win the penalty shootout against England in some footy match. The English fans and David Beckham didn't look particularly plussed by the proceedings.
I did see RAMMSTEIN on MTV so that prolly explains most of the words above.
Let's see if I can get to sleep before 4:00am this evening. I think I will succeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Being such a whinger (it's in my blood after all), I demand an enquiry into the European summer. I think I was spoiled rotten here last year. All of you folks in Australia putting up with 26 degrees and sun can stop your smirking right this instant!
Yeah I know it was over 30 degrees a few weeks ago, but that was only for coupla days. Jeez, even on Henk's Fietstocht I went out in a woollen jersey, arm and leg warmers, booties and I didn't even get too hot. They say it's gunna improve in the next few days and I hope it does or I'll demand by money back. All of it. Now.
Harry Potter 3: The revenge
Speaking of the weather, I did manage to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban along with all the other kiddies, who I must say were poorly behaved. Talking and giggling and whatnot. We were never like that when we were young. Shocking state of affairs. I think the world has gone to pot(ter).
But I seen it and it wasn't half bad. I even liked it better than the first two which were almost too much like the books. I haven't got the book handy but I hope they didn't leave the Yule Ball out. Maybe that's in book 4. Yeah it is, I just checked on www.harrypotterfanclub.com. This is rather funny:
Fred Weasley has to find a partner for the ball, which he does by yelling across the common room "Oi, Angelina!"
"What," she called back.
"Want to come to the ball with me?"
Angelina gave Fred an appraising sort of look. "All right, then."
Anyway... Dumbledore is played by Michael Gambon this time, as the other dude (Richard Harris) snuffed it a coupla years ago. But he was good too. Gambon I mean. David Thewlis (who played opposite Gambon in the Singing Detective) plays Professor Lupin, who has a spot of bother with a bit of the old lycanthropy from time to time. Sirius Black is played by Gary Oldman from Bram Stoker's Dracula and other flicks.
All the others are pretty much the same as the first two movies and they were ok too. Look for Dawn French as the Portrait of the Fat Lady. Thought the kids should have been in school clothes instead of normal clothes. Their parents were obviously slacking that morning.
This movie review is rapidly deteriorating into garbage and dribble (no beer this time either). I think the reason for this is because I've been using my newfound cable TV (see post below) to watch MTV/Jim/TMF or Portugal win the penalty shootout against England in some footy match. The English fans and David Beckham didn't look particularly plussed by the proceedings.
I did see RAMMSTEIN on MTV so that prolly explains most of the words above.
Let's see if I can get to sleep before 4:00am this evening. I think I will succeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Jeff TV (and a race in Deftinge)
Today is a Great Day and will go down in the annals of history as a Significant Moment in the Chronicles of Jeff the Younger.
Why?
I have CABLE TV!!
I have therefore joined the other 10 million people in Belgium who are able to view nearly 30 channels from all around the world. Well, Europe mainly. There are even Home Shopping channels, which I accidentally deleted with my new found remote control skills. Damnation.
The Reason? Well, being such a cheapskate, I have held off until now and put up with two very fuzzy channels (TV1 and Canvas) using an internal aerial. Now that's what I call cheap. But funnily enough, you can see nearly all the cycling on these channels, so it was OK...until now.
Due to the fact that too much sport is never enough, the powers that be in Belgium have created a new "temporary" channel for the summer called Sporza. They've basically shunted everything off TV1/Canvas onto this new channel, and will be using it for the next few months, including the Tour and the Olympics. So my hand was forced, as it were. Didn't actually cost that much anyway :-)
I got it connected last Thursday but of course it didn't work straight off, and I didn't think it was because my TV on/off button doesn't stay "on". I need a light bulb and a few dictionaries to hold it in position. The cable guy came today and there was a lot of discussion about what the problem was, including waking up my downstairs neighbour (hey it was bloody midday!) to ask if her TV worked. It did, so why the bejeezus didn't mine? I demand an enquiry like the one the Aussies are gunna do into Marky Mark French and the Funky Bunch. Ooh boy, that looks fun and does not bode well for certain members of the Olympic team. I'll leave it at that or I'll get into trouble.
The cable guy replaced all the cables downstairs and the outlet box upstairs and Lo! I have a working cable TV setup with 30 channels of multi-European crap. I was annoyed because I missed Der Kaiser winning the Tour de Suisse by one tiny second. Gotta feel sorry for Jeker - Swiss boy, rides for a Swiss/Spanish sponsor based in Lugano, and he cracks in the last kilometre and loses about 5 seconds to Herr Ullrich. He's 35 and probably won't get that chance again. But I was still going for Jan :-)
After viewing this photo and this one, I've decided to go on a strudel, schnitzel and bier diet. Last year, Der Kaiser finished 7th in the Tour de Suisse at 2'27, then went onto finish second in the Tour de France at 1'01. This year? I'm putting €3.47 on Jan to win.
Deftinge
Today, being Monday and all and an official Jeff's Day Off, I opted to do something a bit different racing fixture-wise: An Open race in Deftinge, which is not actually 15 km from Gent. It's 15 km from Zottegem, so I caught the train to Zottegem in order to get the correct number of kilometres in. An Open race means that pretty much anyone can rock up and race; you can even get a day licence. So in addition to the normal Elites zonder contract (me), there were Masters and Amateur riders. For all intents and purposes it was very similar to a kermis, except it was a tad slower and a tad shorter (94 km). Still a whole lotta attacking.
We had 59 starters and I honestly had no idea what the quality of the field was and how they would race, although I did notice a couple of guys from the Schelde ride including Mr still-hellishly-fit-ex-prof Eric Van De Wiele. There were also a few Arse Sport riders. Excellent. The course was 7.8 km (12 laps) with 11 corners, four hills, one longish false flat and some cool descents. It was quite a tough course, but that's always good.
I started at the back in order to get a feel for the course and the race. After about 2 km I realised that the back wasn't a good place to be, as the course was too difficult. The pace wasn't super high - we averaged 40 km/h which is probably 1-2 km/h slower than a kermis would have been that course. But there was still plenty of attacking and a lot of really slow riding in between the attacks. Same style I guess, but fewer riders willing to put it on the line and attack. Rijden jongens, rijden!
Lap 2 was used to get forwardly mobile and position myself strategically 20 wheels back. This was a better place to be, and opened up countless opportunities to attack or follow attacks, and naturally I took advantage of this prime real estate. But for some or many reasons, my synchronisation wasn't happening today, and I'd always pick the wrong places on the course to attack and end up in the moves that weren't going to work if you paid them.
I eventually figured out using my phenomenal Brian Space there were actually only 2 decent places to attack and get a proper gap, even though there were plenty of hard bits of the parcours. By the time I had reached this rather crucial conclusie, there were 15 guys up the road - including Van De Wiele - dangling agonisingly close (30 sec-1 min) but agonisingly far for a solo bridge attempt. Solo bridging is hard because you have to play three other hands even though one ends up being dummy and so you end up bidding against yourself with the infamous "5 No Clubs" or worse. Then you have to ruff the Ace of Spades using the Two of Diamonds which is dashed tricky, especially when neither you or your partner has the Two of Diamonds in their hand. The trick is to bid Slam No Trumps and then no-one will bother outbidding you any more. And DON'T EVER ADMIT that you play the Short Club. That's a big no-no.
... (A pause to digest this)
At this point, you can probably tell I'm onto the Leffe Blond, which is not my first beer of the evening.
Back to the tale. By halfway, the leaders had about a minute and I suspected they were gone for good. Turns out I was right. Quelle insight Batman. Why didn't I stick to Mr Van De Wiele who prolly knows a thing or two about racing? I could ponder this on the way home.
But there was still Honour and Glory and €10 to be had for the 16th place, and Our Gallant British Lads did not surrender! We actually split the peloton (which was still depressingly large) with 4 laps to go, but only 3 of us were working and that wasn't good odds, even on a hard parcours. But peoples were starting to get tired and with about 2 laps to go everyone suddenly slowed and I kinda moseyed - sidled, if you will - off the front on the false flat after the start/finish. It wasn't an actual attack, per se, but sometimes these sneaky moves actually work.
I was joined by another dude before long, and he actually worked with me so that was good. We put a handy 15 seconds into the peloton, although another guy in a smart fluoro green outfit was trying to bridge across, solo. We let him, because three is always better than two. Especially when the first dude conked out and told us he couldn't do any more. Shoulda thought of that before you came with us mate! Een beetje respect, jongen.
The fluoro guy and I worked for the last lap to make sure the bunch didn't get us and they didn't, which was rather satisfying. We actually put 30 seconds into the chasing group behind and 1'15 into the bunch in general in the last two laps. After the last climb we could see the next group about 20 seconds in front of us, but there was less than 2 km to go at that point so you can do the mathematics.
I can too, but it didn't stop me from attacking the other two as soon as we got over the hill. I don't do sprints. The gap wasn't big enough though, and I throttled it back to save a little for the end, which was 300m uphill then 200m downhill. That worked well, because the fluoro guy led out and it wasn't too difficult to pass him. So 16th place and a princely sum of €10 was mine for the taking. Given that it cost €3 to race, €2 for my squeezy gel and three dextro energy tablets, and €7.40 for the train fare, I think I lost out. My rock solid financial nouse falls to pieces when I catch the train to a race. OTOH, I've finished in the money in every race bar three this season, so that's not too bad.
Cruised 35km home via Zottegem and it didn't rain so I was happy as larry. Never met larry. It was a rather pleasant evening actually. Almost no traffic, some nice late evening sunshine and idyllic Flemish countryside to ride through. I got home at 10:30 and it was still light(ish)!
It's the summer solstice today (well, yesterday) so I could have been one of the 19,000 grimpils who gathered at Stonehenge today and participated in some pagan rites. That would have been some larx. Given that I spent a couple of formative years living in nearby Salisbury, I can definitely empathise with these folks.
Bloody bunch of loonies.
Why?
I have CABLE TV!!
I have therefore joined the other 10 million people in Belgium who are able to view nearly 30 channels from all around the world. Well, Europe mainly. There are even Home Shopping channels, which I accidentally deleted with my new found remote control skills. Damnation.
The Reason? Well, being such a cheapskate, I have held off until now and put up with two very fuzzy channels (TV1 and Canvas) using an internal aerial. Now that's what I call cheap. But funnily enough, you can see nearly all the cycling on these channels, so it was OK...until now.
Due to the fact that too much sport is never enough, the powers that be in Belgium have created a new "temporary" channel for the summer called Sporza. They've basically shunted everything off TV1/Canvas onto this new channel, and will be using it for the next few months, including the Tour and the Olympics. So my hand was forced, as it were. Didn't actually cost that much anyway :-)
I got it connected last Thursday but of course it didn't work straight off, and I didn't think it was because my TV on/off button doesn't stay "on". I need a light bulb and a few dictionaries to hold it in position. The cable guy came today and there was a lot of discussion about what the problem was, including waking up my downstairs neighbour (hey it was bloody midday!) to ask if her TV worked. It did, so why the bejeezus didn't mine? I demand an enquiry like the one the Aussies are gunna do into Marky Mark French and the Funky Bunch. Ooh boy, that looks fun and does not bode well for certain members of the Olympic team. I'll leave it at that or I'll get into trouble.
The cable guy replaced all the cables downstairs and the outlet box upstairs and Lo! I have a working cable TV setup with 30 channels of multi-European crap. I was annoyed because I missed Der Kaiser winning the Tour de Suisse by one tiny second. Gotta feel sorry for Jeker - Swiss boy, rides for a Swiss/Spanish sponsor based in Lugano, and he cracks in the last kilometre and loses about 5 seconds to Herr Ullrich. He's 35 and probably won't get that chance again. But I was still going for Jan :-)
After viewing this photo and this one, I've decided to go on a strudel, schnitzel and bier diet. Last year, Der Kaiser finished 7th in the Tour de Suisse at 2'27, then went onto finish second in the Tour de France at 1'01. This year? I'm putting €3.47 on Jan to win.
Deftinge
Today, being Monday and all and an official Jeff's Day Off, I opted to do something a bit different racing fixture-wise: An Open race in Deftinge, which is not actually 15 km from Gent. It's 15 km from Zottegem, so I caught the train to Zottegem in order to get the correct number of kilometres in. An Open race means that pretty much anyone can rock up and race; you can even get a day licence. So in addition to the normal Elites zonder contract (me), there were Masters and Amateur riders. For all intents and purposes it was very similar to a kermis, except it was a tad slower and a tad shorter (94 km). Still a whole lotta attacking.
We had 59 starters and I honestly had no idea what the quality of the field was and how they would race, although I did notice a couple of guys from the Schelde ride including Mr still-hellishly-fit-ex-prof Eric Van De Wiele. There were also a few Arse Sport riders. Excellent. The course was 7.8 km (12 laps) with 11 corners, four hills, one longish false flat and some cool descents. It was quite a tough course, but that's always good.
I started at the back in order to get a feel for the course and the race. After about 2 km I realised that the back wasn't a good place to be, as the course was too difficult. The pace wasn't super high - we averaged 40 km/h which is probably 1-2 km/h slower than a kermis would have been that course. But there was still plenty of attacking and a lot of really slow riding in between the attacks. Same style I guess, but fewer riders willing to put it on the line and attack. Rijden jongens, rijden!
Lap 2 was used to get forwardly mobile and position myself strategically 20 wheels back. This was a better place to be, and opened up countless opportunities to attack or follow attacks, and naturally I took advantage of this prime real estate. But for some or many reasons, my synchronisation wasn't happening today, and I'd always pick the wrong places on the course to attack and end up in the moves that weren't going to work if you paid them.
I eventually figured out using my phenomenal Brian Space there were actually only 2 decent places to attack and get a proper gap, even though there were plenty of hard bits of the parcours. By the time I had reached this rather crucial conclusie, there were 15 guys up the road - including Van De Wiele - dangling agonisingly close (30 sec-1 min) but agonisingly far for a solo bridge attempt. Solo bridging is hard because you have to play three other hands even though one ends up being dummy and so you end up bidding against yourself with the infamous "5 No Clubs" or worse. Then you have to ruff the Ace of Spades using the Two of Diamonds which is dashed tricky, especially when neither you or your partner has the Two of Diamonds in their hand. The trick is to bid Slam No Trumps and then no-one will bother outbidding you any more. And DON'T EVER ADMIT that you play the Short Club. That's a big no-no.
... (A pause to digest this)
At this point, you can probably tell I'm onto the Leffe Blond, which is not my first beer of the evening.
Back to the tale. By halfway, the leaders had about a minute and I suspected they were gone for good. Turns out I was right. Quelle insight Batman. Why didn't I stick to Mr Van De Wiele who prolly knows a thing or two about racing? I could ponder this on the way home.
But there was still Honour and Glory and €10 to be had for the 16th place, and Our Gallant British Lads did not surrender! We actually split the peloton (which was still depressingly large) with 4 laps to go, but only 3 of us were working and that wasn't good odds, even on a hard parcours. But peoples were starting to get tired and with about 2 laps to go everyone suddenly slowed and I kinda moseyed - sidled, if you will - off the front on the false flat after the start/finish. It wasn't an actual attack, per se, but sometimes these sneaky moves actually work.
I was joined by another dude before long, and he actually worked with me so that was good. We put a handy 15 seconds into the peloton, although another guy in a smart fluoro green outfit was trying to bridge across, solo. We let him, because three is always better than two. Especially when the first dude conked out and told us he couldn't do any more. Shoulda thought of that before you came with us mate! Een beetje respect, jongen.
The fluoro guy and I worked for the last lap to make sure the bunch didn't get us and they didn't, which was rather satisfying. We actually put 30 seconds into the chasing group behind and 1'15 into the bunch in general in the last two laps. After the last climb we could see the next group about 20 seconds in front of us, but there was less than 2 km to go at that point so you can do the mathematics.
I can too, but it didn't stop me from attacking the other two as soon as we got over the hill. I don't do sprints. The gap wasn't big enough though, and I throttled it back to save a little for the end, which was 300m uphill then 200m downhill. That worked well, because the fluoro guy led out and it wasn't too difficult to pass him. So 16th place and a princely sum of €10 was mine for the taking. Given that it cost €3 to race, €2 for my squeezy gel and three dextro energy tablets, and €7.40 for the train fare, I think I lost out. My rock solid financial nouse falls to pieces when I catch the train to a race. OTOH, I've finished in the money in every race bar three this season, so that's not too bad.
Cruised 35km home via Zottegem and it didn't rain so I was happy as larry. Never met larry. It was a rather pleasant evening actually. Almost no traffic, some nice late evening sunshine and idyllic Flemish countryside to ride through. I got home at 10:30 and it was still light(ish)!
It's the summer solstice today (well, yesterday) so I could have been one of the 19,000 grimpils who gathered at Stonehenge today and participated in some pagan rites. That would have been some larx. Given that I spent a couple of formative years living in nearby Salisbury, I can definitely empathise with these folks.
Bloody bunch of loonies.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Henk's fietstocht
It's late but we're nearing the summer solstice so it's only been dark for three hours or so. Hence, I conclude that I am bloody tired.
Today was Henk Ballet's grand fietstocht that started in Ouwegem (about 17 km from Gent, like everywhere else in Belgium) and went down to Lessines, along a bit of the parcours of Stage 4 of the Tour de France, then back via Ronse. Months of planning went into this and I am indeed impressed by Henk's knowledge of all the back roads between here and somewhere south of here.
Henk (2nd L) explains the parcours
Unfortunately it was a bit wet, and the auspices were not in our favour today regarding the dreaded punctures. I guess we averaged less than one per rider, but when you have eight riders that's still a lot. Including my flat on the way to Ouwegem and one during the tour, we managed six all up. I think that's a record.
Puncture 2 in Horebeke
Looks like a spot of rain
Puncture 3 in Schorisse
Cruisin' along. Where can I get a 'Casa Erotica' jersey?
As you can see I have uploaded some pics of the ride including a banned photo (below) from inside the Tour de France museum at the top of the hill at Frasnes-lez-Anvaing. This is a cafe that we pass every Sunday on the Berchem ride, but I had no idea that it was a museum. The TdF route goes the opposite way to the Berchem ride, and we stopped off at the cafe for a quick refresher before heading home.
To make a short story long, there's quite an interesting museum with lots of photos from Tours gone by, probably all of them in fact. A few bikes, lots of jerseys etc. But once I started snapping away the proprietor came up and was rather annoyed "Geen fotograferen!" If I could have been bothered, I would have expained that I'm a journalist and was going to do a nice little feature on the museum which would have given him plenty of free advertising. And he would have been ok with that I think. He was more worried about people taking photos of photos and then selling them.
Whatever. I may still write the feature anyway if I get the time. Maybe I'll just make it into a photo essay :-) Voila:
The Musee du Tour de France in Frasnes-lez-Anvaing
The entree to the Musee du Tour de France
Jerseys in the TdF musee. Banned photo!!
A few more punctures later, and we eventually got back to somewhere near Oudenaarde. Next year, it's MTB tyres all round we think.
Henk (R) can't believe this is the fifth puncture
The way home...eindelijk!
Anyway it's new tyre time and I'm tyred out. Flew back home to Gent into the headwind because I wanted to catch up on the Tour de Suisse et all. It was a really wet finish today and Jeker put a few more seconds into Der Kaiser and dropped Totschnig, who won yesterday. So going into tomorrow's 25km time trial, Jeker has 41 seconds on Ullrich and 50 to Totschnig. I reckon Ullrich will still win.
As I wrote above, it's late(r) and I'm finally going to bed!
Today was Henk Ballet's grand fietstocht that started in Ouwegem (about 17 km from Gent, like everywhere else in Belgium) and went down to Lessines, along a bit of the parcours of Stage 4 of the Tour de France, then back via Ronse. Months of planning went into this and I am indeed impressed by Henk's knowledge of all the back roads between here and somewhere south of here.
Henk (2nd L) explains the parcours
Unfortunately it was a bit wet, and the auspices were not in our favour today regarding the dreaded punctures. I guess we averaged less than one per rider, but when you have eight riders that's still a lot. Including my flat on the way to Ouwegem and one during the tour, we managed six all up. I think that's a record.
Puncture 2 in Horebeke
Looks like a spot of rain
Puncture 3 in Schorisse
Cruisin' along. Where can I get a 'Casa Erotica' jersey?
As you can see I have uploaded some pics of the ride including a banned photo (below) from inside the Tour de France museum at the top of the hill at Frasnes-lez-Anvaing. This is a cafe that we pass every Sunday on the Berchem ride, but I had no idea that it was a museum. The TdF route goes the opposite way to the Berchem ride, and we stopped off at the cafe for a quick refresher before heading home.
To make a short story long, there's quite an interesting museum with lots of photos from Tours gone by, probably all of them in fact. A few bikes, lots of jerseys etc. But once I started snapping away the proprietor came up and was rather annoyed "Geen fotograferen!" If I could have been bothered, I would have expained that I'm a journalist and was going to do a nice little feature on the museum which would have given him plenty of free advertising. And he would have been ok with that I think. He was more worried about people taking photos of photos and then selling them.
Whatever. I may still write the feature anyway if I get the time. Maybe I'll just make it into a photo essay :-) Voila:
The Musee du Tour de France in Frasnes-lez-Anvaing
The entree to the Musee du Tour de France
Jerseys in the TdF musee. Banned photo!!
A few more punctures later, and we eventually got back to somewhere near Oudenaarde. Next year, it's MTB tyres all round we think.
Henk (R) can't believe this is the fifth puncture
The way home...eindelijk!
Anyway it's new tyre time and I'm tyred out. Flew back home to Gent into the headwind because I wanted to catch up on the Tour de Suisse et all. It was a really wet finish today and Jeker put a few more seconds into Der Kaiser and dropped Totschnig, who won yesterday. So going into tomorrow's 25km time trial, Jeker has 41 seconds on Ullrich and 50 to Totschnig. I reckon Ullrich will still win.
As I wrote above, it's late(r) and I'm finally going to bed!
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Schellebelle: Deep in the final!
But first, a report on Reinhard Vanspeybroeck's Grand Opening of the Great Australian Bite: the first Aussie pie shop in Gent, and perhaps in Europe. Oohlala.
It was a grand occasion actually, as I cycled down to Walpoort Straat on a warm June evening on my completely untrustworthy MTB. Still got three busted spokes and the right pedal is threatening to walk out on me at any moment, but it's hangin' in there.
There were a whole lotta folks down at the Pie Shop when I got there, all scoffing pies which was very good to see. I mean, Belgians love their food but it's a bit less multicultural than in Sydney, where you can get a bloody awesome slap up Thai meal for about 5 bucks anywhere you like as long as it's King St. So it will be interesting to see how the Belgians take to the Great Aussie Pie.
Reinhard explained to me that most of the folks at the shop were Family, and I had a good chat to his dad who is Belgian, lives in Perth and had just been to China for a business thing. He also ran a cycling team a couple of years ago but it failed, even though he had some good Aussies like Luke Roberts on it. They couldn't hack the Belgian style of racing and were generally cod ordinary.
He has big plans for the Pie Shop though - he wants to franchise it and open shops all over Europa. Good on him, even though it was actually Reinhard's idea.
There was one other genuine Aussie there by the name of Ryan, but he had to bugger off early to meet some Swedish chick for a hot date. He's definitely got his priorities arse up, as you don't get free Aussie Pies every day but dates with hot Swedish chicks are a dime a dozen.
The "Aussie" thing is a bit of a furphy actually, as I was chatting to the Irish cook/entrepreneur dude, who said all the pies are imported from his business in England. hmmm. Well they still tasted like Aussie Pies and I didn't get food poisoning so I reckon it's double thumbs up for the Great Australian Bite!
Other things
I got the Kraftwerk Tour de France CD from mein liebe Schwester yesterday too. Very very cool and thanks sis! It's a must for any TdF/Kraftwerk fans, to state the bleedin' obvious. Think minimalist electronica, with French cycling terms spoken with an electronic German accent.
Speaking of the Tour, it's only two and a half weeks away. Jeez louise. At least Der Kaiser is still leading Tour de Suisse, so he's got my vote for LA challenger number one, followed by Tyler and hold the Mayo. I wish Ullrich's teammates would keep their bums firmly planted on their bikes. Vino and Steinhauser both out. Maybe Steinhauser will make it back in time for Le Tour.
And speaking of LA, the Posties announced their new sponsor today: Discovery Channel! Can you imagine? I can't wait to see the jerseys. I hope they put a wildebeest on it. Always been fond of wildebeests. It's a much better name than Gnu.
Drinking: Hoegaarden Grand Cru because I like it and it was cold. Also Chimay (Peres Trappists). Crikey this is powerful stuff. I'm running low on beer again. Must invest in more.
Schellebelle
OK now to today's racing fixture in Schellebelle, which is probably 14 km from Gent as the crow flies. I'm not the crow and I can't fly so it was 19 km for me and my velo. However, I was listening to my The Crow CD this morning as psych up muzak. You see, everything is fundamentally interconnected. I was also getting into a bit of Nick Cave (Live Seeds) and I'm indebted to Anna for opening my eyes to Mr Cave (and the Cardigans!).
Anyway, I rocked up to Schellebelle's Dorp and the Cafe 't Steksken, where sign on was. The kleedkamers were up the road at the local footy field, so I found them and pinned the number on, did a couple of stretches et al and was ready to rock. They were playing Madonna's Holiday at the start, which is always good to get you in the mood for a balls-out kermis race.
There was no holding back today, that was for sure. 73 starters and plenty of good riders for 16 laps of a 7.1 km circuit with 9 corners/lap and a bit o' wind. There was an interesting crosswind section next to the railway line which I quite liked, but The Others didn't.
I started at the back and by the time I had clipped into my pedal, the first break had already gone. It was rather quick at the start and non-stop attacking, which is to be expected of course. I couldn't really be bothered but had a little dabble after about 3 laps and quickly thought better of it. Back to...oh jeez this beer's making it hard to think...purgatory towards the tail end of the bunch for me.
But that was ok. With a big bunch, you can sit back a bit as there's always guys chasing and the speed is generally high. You don't have to be quite as attentive unless you want to absolutely make the front group and I absolutely didn't want to today, despite feeling ok.
A group of 14 got away after maybe 5 laps and there wasn't much I could do about that, being about 50 riders back an' all. "Let 'em go, they'll die in the hills!" A great quote from a classic (and terrible) cycling movie.
We did just under 43 km in the first hour, which I thought was fast considering the course. But it got faster. After a few more laps I heard "peloton met achterstand van achtenveertig seconden (48 seconds behind)". Hmm, that means the 14 leaders would probably stay away and we'd fight it out for the nutritious kitchen scraps.
For the second time this year (in a race), I was proved wrong, as some teams had missed the break and were chasing. Godverdomme. It was probably Arse Sport. I kid you not, there is a cycling team with that printed on the bottoms of their knicks. It cracks me up, but apparently it's pronounced "Ar-Say" and has nothing to do with buttocks/bums/bottoms/arses. Sorry, this beer has fully taken hold now and there's nothing for it but to plough on with more mentions of Arse Sport.
After putting in a few 9'40 laps (about 44 clicks per hour in metric terms) we brought the break back to about 20 seconds. Then it just hovered there like the dark clouds overhead (note: this is atmosphere that I'm trying to create here) and we couldn't quite close the gap. Mainly because as soon as you get that close, people get it into their heads that they're going to close the 20 second gap themselves by attacking. It's rather stupid, as to close a 20 second gap at 44 km/h requires you to ride at 50 km/h for most of a lap. No way Jose.
So the chase sorta continued in stits and farts, and eventually the gap was closeable. I had a few goes in little groups, but I'd get about halfway across and hit the wall, so I fell back again into the Arse Sport end of the thinner peloton. But we - or more correctly They - closed it with about 5 laps to go and I was Truly Amazed.
Interlude: I noticed a Welsh guy today with Mari Lywd Llap Goch or something printed on his jersey. He was riding for Staf Boone's mob, sans the usual jersey. He did a bit of work but died in the Arse Sport near the end.
There were more attacks but the peloton was still pretty big and ugly, but another 10 guys got off the front and stayed there. I was starting to hurt a bit by then, but so was everyone else so there was empathy. After staying near the frontage I got myself into a nice little break just before the crosswind section with 2.753 laps to go. 3 of us chasing 3, then there were 6, then 9, including a few ARSE SPORT guys. That was cool.
"Komaan jongens. Allemaal fietsen! (everybody ride!)" I was a bit stuffed, but did what I could, making sure the Arse Sport team did their fair share. We were holding the peloton at bay by 5-10 seconds, but it was worth persisting for the greater good. Status quo for the last two laps, although I started to come good and do a few more turns. The cohesion was crap, but somehow we stayed in front of the peloton until the final kilometre. That meant I was in with a shout of 11th place DEEP IN THE FINAL. Very nice.
I did two turns too many in the last kilometre and blew myself a bit, so when they sprinted there was nothing left. The front part of the peloton just managed to latch on so I ended up 14th in the sprint, going backwards for Christmas the whole time. Still, that gave me 24th overall which was rather satisfying, especially as we did the 114 km in 2 hours 38 minutes and change (43.2 km/h). ow. The legs hurt een beetje in de aankomst.
When I went to claim my prize money, there was this...odd guy of about 60 who wanted to shake my hand, hug me and whisper in my ear. Or maybe I was supposed to do that. Maybe he'd won money on me with the bookies :-) These Belgians are crazy.
I rode back with a Californian Asian-American by the name of AKIRA Wong and the Welsh Mari Lywd. We didn't discuss manga and the Mari Lywd was knackered, as mentioned previously. Maybe he should eat more.
Don't arks me who won the election because I dunno. Probably Vlaams Blog.
I'm Trappist.
It was a grand occasion actually, as I cycled down to Walpoort Straat on a warm June evening on my completely untrustworthy MTB. Still got three busted spokes and the right pedal is threatening to walk out on me at any moment, but it's hangin' in there.
There were a whole lotta folks down at the Pie Shop when I got there, all scoffing pies which was very good to see. I mean, Belgians love their food but it's a bit less multicultural than in Sydney, where you can get a bloody awesome slap up Thai meal for about 5 bucks anywhere you like as long as it's King St. So it will be interesting to see how the Belgians take to the Great Aussie Pie.
Reinhard explained to me that most of the folks at the shop were Family, and I had a good chat to his dad who is Belgian, lives in Perth and had just been to China for a business thing. He also ran a cycling team a couple of years ago but it failed, even though he had some good Aussies like Luke Roberts on it. They couldn't hack the Belgian style of racing and were generally cod ordinary.
He has big plans for the Pie Shop though - he wants to franchise it and open shops all over Europa. Good on him, even though it was actually Reinhard's idea.
There was one other genuine Aussie there by the name of Ryan, but he had to bugger off early to meet some Swedish chick for a hot date. He's definitely got his priorities arse up, as you don't get free Aussie Pies every day but dates with hot Swedish chicks are a dime a dozen.
The "Aussie" thing is a bit of a furphy actually, as I was chatting to the Irish cook/entrepreneur dude, who said all the pies are imported from his business in England. hmmm. Well they still tasted like Aussie Pies and I didn't get food poisoning so I reckon it's double thumbs up for the Great Australian Bite!
Other things
I got the Kraftwerk Tour de France CD from mein liebe Schwester yesterday too. Very very cool and thanks sis! It's a must for any TdF/Kraftwerk fans, to state the bleedin' obvious. Think minimalist electronica, with French cycling terms spoken with an electronic German accent.
Speaking of the Tour, it's only two and a half weeks away. Jeez louise. At least Der Kaiser is still leading Tour de Suisse, so he's got my vote for LA challenger number one, followed by Tyler and hold the Mayo. I wish Ullrich's teammates would keep their bums firmly planted on their bikes. Vino and Steinhauser both out. Maybe Steinhauser will make it back in time for Le Tour.
And speaking of LA, the Posties announced their new sponsor today: Discovery Channel! Can you imagine? I can't wait to see the jerseys. I hope they put a wildebeest on it. Always been fond of wildebeests. It's a much better name than Gnu.
Drinking: Hoegaarden Grand Cru because I like it and it was cold. Also Chimay (Peres Trappists). Crikey this is powerful stuff. I'm running low on beer again. Must invest in more.
Schellebelle
OK now to today's racing fixture in Schellebelle, which is probably 14 km from Gent as the crow flies. I'm not the crow and I can't fly so it was 19 km for me and my velo. However, I was listening to my The Crow CD this morning as psych up muzak. You see, everything is fundamentally interconnected. I was also getting into a bit of Nick Cave (Live Seeds) and I'm indebted to Anna for opening my eyes to Mr Cave (and the Cardigans!).
Anyway, I rocked up to Schellebelle's Dorp and the Cafe 't Steksken, where sign on was. The kleedkamers were up the road at the local footy field, so I found them and pinned the number on, did a couple of stretches et al and was ready to rock. They were playing Madonna's Holiday at the start, which is always good to get you in the mood for a balls-out kermis race.
There was no holding back today, that was for sure. 73 starters and plenty of good riders for 16 laps of a 7.1 km circuit with 9 corners/lap and a bit o' wind. There was an interesting crosswind section next to the railway line which I quite liked, but The Others didn't.
I started at the back and by the time I had clipped into my pedal, the first break had already gone. It was rather quick at the start and non-stop attacking, which is to be expected of course. I couldn't really be bothered but had a little dabble after about 3 laps and quickly thought better of it. Back to...oh jeez this beer's making it hard to think...purgatory towards the tail end of the bunch for me.
But that was ok. With a big bunch, you can sit back a bit as there's always guys chasing and the speed is generally high. You don't have to be quite as attentive unless you want to absolutely make the front group and I absolutely didn't want to today, despite feeling ok.
A group of 14 got away after maybe 5 laps and there wasn't much I could do about that, being about 50 riders back an' all. "Let 'em go, they'll die in the hills!" A great quote from a classic (and terrible) cycling movie.
We did just under 43 km in the first hour, which I thought was fast considering the course. But it got faster. After a few more laps I heard "peloton met achterstand van achtenveertig seconden (48 seconds behind)". Hmm, that means the 14 leaders would probably stay away and we'd fight it out for the nutritious kitchen scraps.
For the second time this year (in a race), I was proved wrong, as some teams had missed the break and were chasing. Godverdomme. It was probably Arse Sport. I kid you not, there is a cycling team with that printed on the bottoms of their knicks. It cracks me up, but apparently it's pronounced "Ar-Say" and has nothing to do with buttocks/bums/bottoms/arses. Sorry, this beer has fully taken hold now and there's nothing for it but to plough on with more mentions of Arse Sport.
After putting in a few 9'40 laps (about 44 clicks per hour in metric terms) we brought the break back to about 20 seconds. Then it just hovered there like the dark clouds overhead (note: this is atmosphere that I'm trying to create here) and we couldn't quite close the gap. Mainly because as soon as you get that close, people get it into their heads that they're going to close the 20 second gap themselves by attacking. It's rather stupid, as to close a 20 second gap at 44 km/h requires you to ride at 50 km/h for most of a lap. No way Jose.
So the chase sorta continued in stits and farts, and eventually the gap was closeable. I had a few goes in little groups, but I'd get about halfway across and hit the wall, so I fell back again into the Arse Sport end of the thinner peloton. But we - or more correctly They - closed it with about 5 laps to go and I was Truly Amazed.
Interlude: I noticed a Welsh guy today with Mari Lywd Llap Goch or something printed on his jersey. He was riding for Staf Boone's mob, sans the usual jersey. He did a bit of work but died in the Arse Sport near the end.
There were more attacks but the peloton was still pretty big and ugly, but another 10 guys got off the front and stayed there. I was starting to hurt a bit by then, but so was everyone else so there was empathy. After staying near the frontage I got myself into a nice little break just before the crosswind section with 2.753 laps to go. 3 of us chasing 3, then there were 6, then 9, including a few ARSE SPORT guys. That was cool.
"Komaan jongens. Allemaal fietsen! (everybody ride!)" I was a bit stuffed, but did what I could, making sure the Arse Sport team did their fair share. We were holding the peloton at bay by 5-10 seconds, but it was worth persisting for the greater good. Status quo for the last two laps, although I started to come good and do a few more turns. The cohesion was crap, but somehow we stayed in front of the peloton until the final kilometre. That meant I was in with a shout of 11th place DEEP IN THE FINAL. Very nice.
I did two turns too many in the last kilometre and blew myself a bit, so when they sprinted there was nothing left. The front part of the peloton just managed to latch on so I ended up 14th in the sprint, going backwards for Christmas the whole time. Still, that gave me 24th overall which was rather satisfying, especially as we did the 114 km in 2 hours 38 minutes and change (43.2 km/h). ow. The legs hurt een beetje in de aankomst.
When I went to claim my prize money, there was this...odd guy of about 60 who wanted to shake my hand, hug me and whisper in my ear. Or maybe I was supposed to do that. Maybe he'd won money on me with the bookies :-) These Belgians are crazy.
I rode back with a Californian Asian-American by the name of AKIRA Wong and the Welsh Mari Lywd. We didn't discuss manga and the Mari Lywd was knackered, as mentioned previously. Maybe he should eat more.
Don't arks me who won the election because I dunno. Probably Vlaams Blog.
I'm Trappist.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Der Kaiser again
Now I've always been a bit of a Jan Ullrich fan since the big German lobbed into Australia all those years ago and won the Commonwealth Bank Cycle Classic in 1993(?). Then he went and won the Tour de France in '97 in his second attempt, which is not bad going. But then LANCE came along and relegated Ullrich to second for the term of his natural life, or so it seemed. Pantani did too in '98 and that annoyed me.
Watching Der Jan win the Olympic Road Race in Sydney, as I was doing the live coverage from Frank Conceicao's shop at the top of the Bronte hill was pretty bloody good. He steamed to the top of the hill with Vinokourov and Kloden in tow (they were and are still all teammates), with the Italian connection of Paolo Bettini and Michele Bartoli chasing. LANCE? In the bunch, later claiming he had missed the move because the USA team radios didn't work. Or that might have been Georg Hincapie. Whatever dude.
Thus, watching a "big boned" looking Ullrich puff and pant his way to the top of the Mur de Huy in fifth last wheel after 66 km of La Fleche Wallonne this year caused me some concern. He didn't make it on lap 2. Two and a bit months - enough time to get in Tour shape?
But it seems as though he's turned on the gas a bit, finishing second in the Tour of Germany TT (7th overall because he can't attack on a climb). Then in the first stage of the Tour de Suisse he got in the front group of 39, jumped across to the two leaders with about 25 km to go and proceeded to hammer them in the sprint. Not bad, even if it was downhill.
With this, combined with Mayo's awesome ride on Ventoux and Hamilton and Heras all showing good form, I think Armstrong is going to have some big trouble in little China come July. Of course he could be bluffing, or simply not peaking yet, but at least it's not like other years where he wins the Dauphine and says "I'm only at 20 percent of my best condition" just to really piss everyone off. Maybe this year it's reverse psychology.
Call it schadenfreude, and I'm supposed to be objective and all that, but dominance always gets a little boring. It was the same with Big Mig. He was an awesome rider (like Lance) but I was always cheering for Rominger/Bugno/Zenon Jaskula/the anti-hero etc. Even though Chiappucci always annoyed me for some reason too.
I won't even mention the Dauphine today, suffice to say that Hamilton needs to stop enjoying the scenery and concentrate on keeping both wheels of his velocipede on the road. None of this "I can fly" business when you're descending an Alp. Save that for the post-race party, mate.
Back to real life. No racing for me until Tuesday so I went out with the boys on the Saturday bunch ride. And It Was Good. Once I woke up.
There must have been 40 or so riders by the time we reached the backside of the Molenberg (the non-cobbled bit) and I couldn't be bothered fighting for position so I sat back a bit and watched Eric Van De Wiele (ex-pro from about 20 years ago, now racing masters) lead a small group off the front. I got some room to move near the top and closed the gap, but they didn't really want to work and the rest of the bunch caught us at the bottom of the Trap Op.
Mr. Van De Wiele led for about half of it; I did a token turn which is more than I usually do; then Kristof Trouve (Palmans) and Sammy Moreels (another ex-pro from 10 years ago) drove it to the top. I had a bit more go-juice today so I could do the last turn to the top, where the speed reaches 40 km/h on the false flat. I guess that race last Tuesday did the engine some good.
It was reasonably windy on the way back along the Schelde - cross/headwind, mostly cross (which makes people cross) but we somehow averaged 43.5 km/h. I think it was Trouve and Moreels doing a lot of the damage. With 10 km to go it was a crosswind and quite exposed, so I moseyed on back to the front in time to get on the wheel of Moreels and Trouve when they attacked. Van De Wiele was there plus another ex-pro and we were away! To use the parlance, deep in the final!!!
We didn't muck around and averaged over 44 km/h for the last bit but my HR never got above 180, so that was rather nice. The rest of the bunch was somewhat distanced at the end. The main guy we missed was Guido, who was caught slacking in about 20th wheel when the move went. By the time he got to the front we had 100m and it wasn't to be.
Now I just have to apply this to a race one time and I might actually finish top 10 :-)
The election is tomorrow. Maybe I'll vote Vlaams Blog.
Watching Der Jan win the Olympic Road Race in Sydney, as I was doing the live coverage from Frank Conceicao's shop at the top of the Bronte hill was pretty bloody good. He steamed to the top of the hill with Vinokourov and Kloden in tow (they were and are still all teammates), with the Italian connection of Paolo Bettini and Michele Bartoli chasing. LANCE? In the bunch, later claiming he had missed the move because the USA team radios didn't work. Or that might have been Georg Hincapie. Whatever dude.
Thus, watching a "big boned" looking Ullrich puff and pant his way to the top of the Mur de Huy in fifth last wheel after 66 km of La Fleche Wallonne this year caused me some concern. He didn't make it on lap 2. Two and a bit months - enough time to get in Tour shape?
But it seems as though he's turned on the gas a bit, finishing second in the Tour of Germany TT (7th overall because he can't attack on a climb). Then in the first stage of the Tour de Suisse he got in the front group of 39, jumped across to the two leaders with about 25 km to go and proceeded to hammer them in the sprint. Not bad, even if it was downhill.
With this, combined with Mayo's awesome ride on Ventoux and Hamilton and Heras all showing good form, I think Armstrong is going to have some big trouble in little China come July. Of course he could be bluffing, or simply not peaking yet, but at least it's not like other years where he wins the Dauphine and says "I'm only at 20 percent of my best condition" just to really piss everyone off. Maybe this year it's reverse psychology.
Call it schadenfreude, and I'm supposed to be objective and all that, but dominance always gets a little boring. It was the same with Big Mig. He was an awesome rider (like Lance) but I was always cheering for Rominger/Bugno/Zenon Jaskula/the anti-hero etc. Even though Chiappucci always annoyed me for some reason too.
I won't even mention the Dauphine today, suffice to say that Hamilton needs to stop enjoying the scenery and concentrate on keeping both wheels of his velocipede on the road. None of this "I can fly" business when you're descending an Alp. Save that for the post-race party, mate.
Back to real life. No racing for me until Tuesday so I went out with the boys on the Saturday bunch ride. And It Was Good. Once I woke up.
There must have been 40 or so riders by the time we reached the backside of the Molenberg (the non-cobbled bit) and I couldn't be bothered fighting for position so I sat back a bit and watched Eric Van De Wiele (ex-pro from about 20 years ago, now racing masters) lead a small group off the front. I got some room to move near the top and closed the gap, but they didn't really want to work and the rest of the bunch caught us at the bottom of the Trap Op.
Mr. Van De Wiele led for about half of it; I did a token turn which is more than I usually do; then Kristof Trouve (Palmans) and Sammy Moreels (another ex-pro from 10 years ago) drove it to the top. I had a bit more go-juice today so I could do the last turn to the top, where the speed reaches 40 km/h on the false flat. I guess that race last Tuesday did the engine some good.
It was reasonably windy on the way back along the Schelde - cross/headwind, mostly cross (which makes people cross) but we somehow averaged 43.5 km/h. I think it was Trouve and Moreels doing a lot of the damage. With 10 km to go it was a crosswind and quite exposed, so I moseyed on back to the front in time to get on the wheel of Moreels and Trouve when they attacked. Van De Wiele was there plus another ex-pro and we were away! To use the parlance, deep in the final!!!
We didn't muck around and averaged over 44 km/h for the last bit but my HR never got above 180, so that was rather nice. The rest of the bunch was somewhat distanced at the end. The main guy we missed was Guido, who was caught slacking in about 20th wheel when the move went. By the time he got to the front we had 100m and it wasn't to be.
Now I just have to apply this to a race one time and I might actually finish top 10 :-)
The election is tomorrow. Maybe I'll vote Vlaams Blog.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Lovendegem, or Chopin's Nocturne Op posth.
It's still hot, Damn Hot. 33 degrees at 6:00pm according to my Polar S725 HRM (tm). It's the heat you know.
Yes that's right, another race report! Why? Because I just raced my third race in nine days, but from now on will space it out a bit. Starting with this report, which I can assure you will be spaced out.
The title is full of hidden meaning, as all my titles are. Let me deconstruct it. Firstly, Lovendegem refers to a place approximately 15 km from Gent, and I didn't get lost either so it was in fact 15 km via the north circular, as Bazza McKenzie would say.
I did this race last year and was sort of looking forward to it, as it's on a nice 10.5 km loop (10 laps) with long straights but one pretty hairy cobbled corner. I really don't think cobbles should be cornered. It's also a fun race because it starts at 6pm or 18:00 hrs in the new speak, which means that the finish is around 8:30pm or 20:30, which means I didn't get home until 9:56pm or 21:56. And it was still light!
Hence the Nocturne part of the title, and it has to be Chopin because I like Chopin. The Op posth. refers to how I feel after the race i.e. like death (warmed up today). Legs were good though.
I seem to be repeating myself but it was 33 degrees celsius or 306 kelvin on the start line, along with 48 other riders. There were 15 (mostly Aussies) from the notorious Kingsnorth International Wheelers, a team run by the inimitable Staf Boone, mostly full of anglos, that is based in Gent. It has a few Belgians too, one of which (Hans Ardeel) won the race in Zwijnaarde on Saturday. Mario Willems (John Saey) and Stefan Vermeersch (Mez) were there too, and they could be seen concocting a cunning plan before the start.
We set off at high speed (50-55 km/h) as there was a tailwind for the first bit. Halfway through the first lap, the peloton had split into three big bits which didn't bode well for me, as I was in the third bit. Oops.
By the end of the lap, the front two groups had come together and we were about 30 seconds behind them and I thought it was all over red rover. But it was only the first lap, so I went to the front and helped get the train working smoothly. We averaged 45 km/h on lap 2 and picked up the leaders, who weren't really working hard to stay away. I was back in the race. Life begins anew!
But the attacks continued non-stop and it was keihard. Much tougher than last year, when the bunch more or less stayed together and we finished in a bunch sprint. I went with the ones that I could, as that's the only way to get in the right break, but the terrible heat and the blocking tactics by Kingsnorth and the Litouwers (Lithuanian team) were making it tough. After halfway, the race had broken up into lots of little bitty pieces, and there were about 20 guys up the road in various bunches while I was with the peloton, wondering why my heart rate kept going above 180.
I actually needed an extra bottle today, but unfortunately I have no begeleider (assistant/handler) to give me one. I have a licence for one with Janet Jones printed on it (sorry ma, had to put someone on the application form) so if anyone wants to be Janet Jones for a few races and...er...happens to live in the vicinity of Gent, then they can have the card. I have no idea why you need a licence card to give someone a water bottle during a race, but watching some of the handups today I think some of the begeleiders need to be better trained.
"Don't wiggle the bloody bottle all over the place, hold it still!" quoth Kingsnorth's Andrew Benson on about lap 5 as his begeleider withdrew the bottle into his chest just as Andrew was about to grab it. Result: dropped bottle and Andrew has no water left.
Verily, Andrew waxed sorely pissed about this unfortunate turn of events, especially as it was still 305K in the shade. The same thing happened on the next lap, hence there was only one thing left for him to do: attack you fool!!
At this stage, there were three guys dangling about 20 seconds in front of us including Don Gamble (Kingsnorth), a Litouwer and a Belgie. We won't mention the other 20 guys up the road because for the purposes of this race report, they didn't exist any more. If a break goes in the forest and no-one is there to mark it, did it really happen?
As Benson proceeded to motor across to the "leaders" - sans water but with a lighter bike, always look at the positive - I thought 'bugger it, this lot hasn't shown much interest of late in this terrible, terrible heat, so why don't I hurt myself for the nth time and attack?' Surprisingly my legs agreed and it was the tailwind so I caught Mr Benson, esq. just before the cobbled corner and then had to re-catch him because I was cod ordinary around that corner on every lap.
Not a problem. The ol' ticker was doing about 185 so I still had a good 5 bpm spare. In hand, if you like, for when it got really hard. It got really hard when we caught the other three as the Litouwer was sitting on the back. a) He had teammates in front. Join the club, mate! b) He had teammates behind. Ditto.
So there were four of us working, but with Andrew and Don there, it was almost as if we were riding on the Schelde. In fact, Don said "It's almost as if we were riding on the Schelde." He has great insight, Our Don.
So there we were, me swapping off at some ridiculous HR - never below 185 and I even hit 191 a couple of times. The heat typically adds 5-10 beats to one's HR but not to one's max. Real raw deal, I say.
I looked back and the rest of the peloton weren't too close, but then I saw a flash of yellow, blue and red and Lo! Two Litouwers had extracted themselves from the bunch and had bridged up to us in a very short space of time. I thought 'cool, two more guys to work' but this gay ambience only lasted a kilometre or so before first one, then the other attacked us and rode off in pursuit of the next bunch. But we were getting on so swell! It was as if we didn't exist. At the time it reminded me of a quantum tunneling effect. I mentioned this to Benson afterwards and he gave me a strange look.
I am not entirely clear when this happened, but it was probably on lap six. The remaining Litouwer with us now had a good excuse to sit on again, and who were we to argue? And so, the pain continued but at a slow pace because we were a bit cooked and wanted the race to end sooner rather than later.
After coming through at the end of lap 7 with a 3'15 disadvantage to the leaders, we thought lap 8 would be the laatste ronde. We were actually catching a group in front of us, that the Litouwers had probably leapfrogged too, but were stopped by a train crossing signal about 500m after the start/finish. Yea, verily once again forsooth, we waxed sorely pissed, especially when the Litouwer jumped through the crossing and nearly got creamed by the train. He would have been disqualified anyway.
Luckily it was only 20 seconds wait, so the bunch behind us didn't quite get us. Once we got going again, Benson really drove it and we caught the Litouwer and gave him an earful. Unfortunately there was no commissaire there to witness the train crossing so we had to just deal with it in a manly beach fashion.
With about 1km to go, Benson sort of accelerated and I sort of followed him. 'Attack' would be too kind a word to use at this stage. Don "Let's Gamble" stopped pedalling behind and we had enough of a gap to stay away. I didn't bother sprinting around Benson as he had earned the 25th place more than me. It was zero financial difference anyway.
Don was a little annoyed that the Litouwer jumped him for 27th, when by rights he should have been DQ'd. But we couldn't really argue the point with the commissaire as there were no other witnesses. Didn't matter enough to Our Don.
Winner: Hans Ardeel by 10 seconds over Mario Willems. Funny that. I would have liked to have been privy to their pre-race chat.
Heart rate: averaged 180 for the whole 2 hours 5 minutes. I have never done that before for that long (and I thought Laarne was hard). That's about 94% of max. Oh well, it's interesting to find out one's limits.
Once again I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams with the princely sum of 9 euros. Since it only costs 3 euros to race and about 1 euro for the packet of dextro-energy tablets which I either ate or dropped, then I conclude that racing kermises is a win-win situation. I mean, I've more than doubled my money three times in the last nine days. It doesn't take a financial genius to work out that that is far more worthwhile than investing in the stock market or buying a house. Bricks and mortar? That's old hat. I'm doing it my way.
The real problem is getting to sleep after getting home at 20:56 or 9:56pm in the old speak. Even writing two blog entries in a day won't help that. Incoherent, yes. Tired, no.
Speaking of the terrible heat, it appears that I'm not the only one to suffer in it. In Stage 2 of the Dauphine, even Tyler Hamilton was having problems holding onto the front group, while Pena, Rogers, Basso, Hincapie, Jaksche, Cooke, Bartoli, Miller, Dekker, Ekimov, White, Freire were all dropped! Allez Mayo, that's what I reckon.
As it's still about 25 degrees outside, I'm listening to Schubert's Winterreise, which is a very fine piece of music and chills the soul somewhat.
I'd better quit while I'm ahead. Please email me your begeleider applications post-haste. No offer is considered too small!
adidas,
Jeff
Yes that's right, another race report! Why? Because I just raced my third race in nine days, but from now on will space it out a bit. Starting with this report, which I can assure you will be spaced out.
The title is full of hidden meaning, as all my titles are. Let me deconstruct it. Firstly, Lovendegem refers to a place approximately 15 km from Gent, and I didn't get lost either so it was in fact 15 km via the north circular, as Bazza McKenzie would say.
I did this race last year and was sort of looking forward to it, as it's on a nice 10.5 km loop (10 laps) with long straights but one pretty hairy cobbled corner. I really don't think cobbles should be cornered. It's also a fun race because it starts at 6pm or 18:00 hrs in the new speak, which means that the finish is around 8:30pm or 20:30, which means I didn't get home until 9:56pm or 21:56. And it was still light!
Hence the Nocturne part of the title, and it has to be Chopin because I like Chopin. The Op posth. refers to how I feel after the race i.e. like death (warmed up today). Legs were good though.
I seem to be repeating myself but it was 33 degrees celsius or 306 kelvin on the start line, along with 48 other riders. There were 15 (mostly Aussies) from the notorious Kingsnorth International Wheelers, a team run by the inimitable Staf Boone, mostly full of anglos, that is based in Gent. It has a few Belgians too, one of which (Hans Ardeel) won the race in Zwijnaarde on Saturday. Mario Willems (John Saey) and Stefan Vermeersch (Mez) were there too, and they could be seen concocting a cunning plan before the start.
We set off at high speed (50-55 km/h) as there was a tailwind for the first bit. Halfway through the first lap, the peloton had split into three big bits which didn't bode well for me, as I was in the third bit. Oops.
By the end of the lap, the front two groups had come together and we were about 30 seconds behind them and I thought it was all over red rover. But it was only the first lap, so I went to the front and helped get the train working smoothly. We averaged 45 km/h on lap 2 and picked up the leaders, who weren't really working hard to stay away. I was back in the race. Life begins anew!
But the attacks continued non-stop and it was keihard. Much tougher than last year, when the bunch more or less stayed together and we finished in a bunch sprint. I went with the ones that I could, as that's the only way to get in the right break, but the terrible heat and the blocking tactics by Kingsnorth and the Litouwers (Lithuanian team) were making it tough. After halfway, the race had broken up into lots of little bitty pieces, and there were about 20 guys up the road in various bunches while I was with the peloton, wondering why my heart rate kept going above 180.
I actually needed an extra bottle today, but unfortunately I have no begeleider (assistant/handler) to give me one. I have a licence for one with Janet Jones printed on it (sorry ma, had to put someone on the application form) so if anyone wants to be Janet Jones for a few races and...er...happens to live in the vicinity of Gent, then they can have the card. I have no idea why you need a licence card to give someone a water bottle during a race, but watching some of the handups today I think some of the begeleiders need to be better trained.
"Don't wiggle the bloody bottle all over the place, hold it still!" quoth Kingsnorth's Andrew Benson on about lap 5 as his begeleider withdrew the bottle into his chest just as Andrew was about to grab it. Result: dropped bottle and Andrew has no water left.
Verily, Andrew waxed sorely pissed about this unfortunate turn of events, especially as it was still 305K in the shade. The same thing happened on the next lap, hence there was only one thing left for him to do: attack you fool!!
At this stage, there were three guys dangling about 20 seconds in front of us including Don Gamble (Kingsnorth), a Litouwer and a Belgie. We won't mention the other 20 guys up the road because for the purposes of this race report, they didn't exist any more. If a break goes in the forest and no-one is there to mark it, did it really happen?
As Benson proceeded to motor across to the "leaders" - sans water but with a lighter bike, always look at the positive - I thought 'bugger it, this lot hasn't shown much interest of late in this terrible, terrible heat, so why don't I hurt myself for the nth time and attack?' Surprisingly my legs agreed and it was the tailwind so I caught Mr Benson, esq. just before the cobbled corner and then had to re-catch him because I was cod ordinary around that corner on every lap.
Not a problem. The ol' ticker was doing about 185 so I still had a good 5 bpm spare. In hand, if you like, for when it got really hard. It got really hard when we caught the other three as the Litouwer was sitting on the back. a) He had teammates in front. Join the club, mate! b) He had teammates behind. Ditto.
So there were four of us working, but with Andrew and Don there, it was almost as if we were riding on the Schelde. In fact, Don said "It's almost as if we were riding on the Schelde." He has great insight, Our Don.
So there we were, me swapping off at some ridiculous HR - never below 185 and I even hit 191 a couple of times. The heat typically adds 5-10 beats to one's HR but not to one's max. Real raw deal, I say.
I looked back and the rest of the peloton weren't too close, but then I saw a flash of yellow, blue and red and Lo! Two Litouwers had extracted themselves from the bunch and had bridged up to us in a very short space of time. I thought 'cool, two more guys to work' but this gay ambience only lasted a kilometre or so before first one, then the other attacked us and rode off in pursuit of the next bunch. But we were getting on so swell! It was as if we didn't exist. At the time it reminded me of a quantum tunneling effect. I mentioned this to Benson afterwards and he gave me a strange look.
I am not entirely clear when this happened, but it was probably on lap six. The remaining Litouwer with us now had a good excuse to sit on again, and who were we to argue? And so, the pain continued but at a slow pace because we were a bit cooked and wanted the race to end sooner rather than later.
After coming through at the end of lap 7 with a 3'15 disadvantage to the leaders, we thought lap 8 would be the laatste ronde. We were actually catching a group in front of us, that the Litouwers had probably leapfrogged too, but were stopped by a train crossing signal about 500m after the start/finish. Yea, verily once again forsooth, we waxed sorely pissed, especially when the Litouwer jumped through the crossing and nearly got creamed by the train. He would have been disqualified anyway.
Luckily it was only 20 seconds wait, so the bunch behind us didn't quite get us. Once we got going again, Benson really drove it and we caught the Litouwer and gave him an earful. Unfortunately there was no commissaire there to witness the train crossing so we had to just deal with it in a manly beach fashion.
With about 1km to go, Benson sort of accelerated and I sort of followed him. 'Attack' would be too kind a word to use at this stage. Don "Let's Gamble" stopped pedalling behind and we had enough of a gap to stay away. I didn't bother sprinting around Benson as he had earned the 25th place more than me. It was zero financial difference anyway.
Don was a little annoyed that the Litouwer jumped him for 27th, when by rights he should have been DQ'd. But we couldn't really argue the point with the commissaire as there were no other witnesses. Didn't matter enough to Our Don.
Winner: Hans Ardeel by 10 seconds over Mario Willems. Funny that. I would have liked to have been privy to their pre-race chat.
Heart rate: averaged 180 for the whole 2 hours 5 minutes. I have never done that before for that long (and I thought Laarne was hard). That's about 94% of max. Oh well, it's interesting to find out one's limits.
Once again I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams with the princely sum of 9 euros. Since it only costs 3 euros to race and about 1 euro for the packet of dextro-energy tablets which I either ate or dropped, then I conclude that racing kermises is a win-win situation. I mean, I've more than doubled my money three times in the last nine days. It doesn't take a financial genius to work out that that is far more worthwhile than investing in the stock market or buying a house. Bricks and mortar? That's old hat. I'm doing it my way.
The real problem is getting to sleep after getting home at 20:56 or 9:56pm in the old speak. Even writing two blog entries in a day won't help that. Incoherent, yes. Tired, no.
Speaking of the terrible heat, it appears that I'm not the only one to suffer in it. In Stage 2 of the Dauphine, even Tyler Hamilton was having problems holding onto the front group, while Pena, Rogers, Basso, Hincapie, Jaksche, Cooke, Bartoli, Miller, Dekker, Ekimov, White, Freire were all dropped! Allez Mayo, that's what I reckon.
As it's still about 25 degrees outside, I'm listening to Schubert's Winterreise, which is a very fine piece of music and chills the soul somewhat.
I'd better quit while I'm ahead. Please email me your begeleider applications post-haste. No offer is considered too small!
adidas,
Jeff
Vlaams Blog
It's 30 degrees today and that means it's Damn Hot. It's the heat, you know.
I don't profess to know a lot about Belgian politics, apart from the fact that the Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt rides a bike, which clearly means that the country is in good hands. But in recent weeks it has come to my attention that there is to be an election held shortly for the whole of Flanders. This Sunday, in fact. I will be happy when it's over, because the thrill of opening my overflowing mailbox in the morning is quickly negated by the fact that it's all pre-election crap. Although today I did receive an invitation for Reinhard Vanspeybroeck's Aussie pie shop opening next Monday. Woo hoo!
Now, if I was really keen I could probably vote, seeing as I've now got my little ol' Belgian ID card, which took quite a while to get and I still haven't got my final two numbers. To quote one of the kiddies from The Matrix, "There is no Bureaucracy" (that's a hard word to spell).
Back to the election, today I received in the letterbox a beautiful piece of campaign literature from the Vlaams Blok party. For those of you unfamiliar with this lot, just think Right Wing Loonies and you will get the idea. Vlaams Blok is even narrower than One Nation, in that they don't like Wallonia (the other half of Belgium) either. Cool, huh?
"Finally a publication that says what you think!" is the succinct description of De Strop (the noose), which has a yellow and black noose threaded through the letters. Then "Vote foreigners' voting rights away! Vlaams Blok, the only opposition."
So why did I get one?
I don't profess to know a lot about Belgian politics, apart from the fact that the Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt rides a bike, which clearly means that the country is in good hands. But in recent weeks it has come to my attention that there is to be an election held shortly for the whole of Flanders. This Sunday, in fact. I will be happy when it's over, because the thrill of opening my overflowing mailbox in the morning is quickly negated by the fact that it's all pre-election crap. Although today I did receive an invitation for Reinhard Vanspeybroeck's Aussie pie shop opening next Monday. Woo hoo!
Now, if I was really keen I could probably vote, seeing as I've now got my little ol' Belgian ID card, which took quite a while to get and I still haven't got my final two numbers. To quote one of the kiddies from The Matrix, "There is no Bureaucracy" (that's a hard word to spell).
Back to the election, today I received in the letterbox a beautiful piece of campaign literature from the Vlaams Blok party. For those of you unfamiliar with this lot, just think Right Wing Loonies and you will get the idea. Vlaams Blok is even narrower than One Nation, in that they don't like Wallonia (the other half of Belgium) either. Cool, huh?
"Finally a publication that says what you think!" is the succinct description of De Strop (the noose), which has a yellow and black noose threaded through the letters. Then "Vote foreigners' voting rights away! Vlaams Blok, the only opposition."
So why did I get one?
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Laarne
I pushed the envelope this week in that I did two races, with another one planned next Tuesday. I'm trying to get in as many as possible before the Tour madness takes over in July. Pity, because July's a good month for racing here.
Today's (Saturday) race was in Laarne (where I'm from the USA), about 15 km east of Gent depending on how lost you get riding to the start. I didn't get too lost so it was only 12 km. I got lost later on though. I remember I raced on this weekend last year in Zwijnaarde, which is only 5 km from my place. But I had bad memories of a 70 degree corner with a speed hump around it, so I opted for Laarne. In hindsight it was a harder course, but I guess I had a better race. In fact it was one of the hardest courses I've done here. Luckily it wasn't wet, just windy (but sunny).
The course. 6.7 km x 17 laps. Sounds easy enough until we actually rode it. Lots of speed humps (verkeersdrempels); 13 corners a lap, including one where everyone took the shortcut along the narrow bike path, only to have to jump off the gutter on the other side, but if you went the full way around, you would lose 30m; and COBBLES. Yes, we rode up the length of Laarne's cobbled Dorpstraat which felt like it was 3km long but was probably only 500m. But at the end, we turned sharp left and went across another 500m of cobbles, although these were the lighter red paver variety. Would have been ok but for all the raised round metal platforms. Even the asphalt roads had big bumps!
So all this probably explains why there were only 30 starters, as most had the sense to go to Zwijnaarde. But if I had the choice next year, I'd probably still race in Laarne because I'm a glutton for punishment.
We merrily set off and after about 500m the attacks started, in preparation for the first crossing of the cobbles. I assumed the position about 2/3 of the way back and just tried to ride like Johan Museeuw softly-softly across the cobbles, failing miserably of course. My cornering wasn't quite up to par today, and the bike path-gutter jump corner gave me a lot of grief (as it did the others).
After about half an hour we were still hanging together, but there had already been veel attacks, most of which were instigated by the "local" John Saey team, which had 50 riders in the race and all of them in every attack. I'm exaggerating for the sake of the story. I never do that normally.
Things started to fragment into bigger bits on the cobbles, and I found myself with a couple of others trying to chase 13 leaders. The gap was 10-15 seconds and I was well into the 180+ Danger Will Robinson Danger red zone so I was trying to look incognito and not do too much. Hard when there's only three. Thankfully were were joined by a few more over the next laps, with the leaders still 10 seconds in front.
We had seven of us and I knew this was a golden opportunity to make the front group FOR ONCE but although I could suffer at 180-185, there was nothing extra in the tank for that final jump. One guy almost dragged us all the way to the leaders, but didn't finish it off. Damn him, as I was on his wheel! Gradually, every single one of my group jumped across the small gap and made contact, and I was left with one old guy (seriously, he looked a lot older than any of the guys on the Schelde and they're all 50 plussers!).
It was depressing. He was stronger. The gap was 5 seconds and he was urging me on but neither of us could redline it enough to make the junction, where we would have had a bunch to sit on at the same speed. We continued for several laps like this before eventually the elastic snapped and the leaders went out to 30 seconds, then a minute then more. My chasing partner had spent his bikkies by this stage but once I got below 180 again, I started to come good and could lift the speed and do stronger turns. Order was restored :-)
One lap later we picked up another guy in a purple skinsuit who had been dropped from the front group and the two of us took over the workload while our venerable companion sat on. On the ninth lap I found I could ride a bit faster over the cobbles, and actually dropped him a bit but he got back on. At the end of the lap, we got the one lap to go signal and the third guy proceeded to really wind it up over the cobbles, gradually riding away from me and definitively dropping Mr 80+. That'll show the old bugger. God I hope I'm that fit when I'm his age. I've gotten used to it over here. Older masters riders aren't really like that in Australia, let me tell you!
Anyway I caught Mr Purple skinsuit on the second chunk of the cobbles and we proceeded to press our advantage home. I'm sure the old guy would have beaten me in the sprint. Mr Purple smoked me so I finished up with 20th. That was a lot tougher than the race in Bottelare. Average heart rate was 176 (dunno how long I was over 180 but it was a while), max was 190, and that wasn't in the sprint. I thought my max was 189 but clearly I haven't been trying hard enough. Actually when I'm fresh after a layoff I can hit 192.
Then I went for a cruise (and got lost) with Reinhard Vanspeybroeck, a Belgian/Aussie who I know from Perth. He's setting up an Aussie pie shop in downtown Gent, just down the road from the Vooruit, and official opening night is Monday, June 14. I'm there baby!
Reinhard races too, but he hasn't for a while due to getting things in order for the great pie unveiling. This is a first for Gent. He's hoping it'll take off like the Turkish kebab places and I wish him luck. I'll definitely be dropping in for a few pies.
Speaking of food, my great Stew is no more. I couldn't face it for a fourth night (tomorrow) so I ate the rest of it today. It wasn't so bad and I haven't got botulism yet so it's definitely one for the regular recipe book.
Hmm, it's 1:42am which means it's late. Well I don't have to get up early tomorrow at least. Maybe a quiet cruise on the second lap of the Schelde.
Today's (Saturday) race was in Laarne (where I'm from the USA), about 15 km east of Gent depending on how lost you get riding to the start. I didn't get too lost so it was only 12 km. I got lost later on though. I remember I raced on this weekend last year in Zwijnaarde, which is only 5 km from my place. But I had bad memories of a 70 degree corner with a speed hump around it, so I opted for Laarne. In hindsight it was a harder course, but I guess I had a better race. In fact it was one of the hardest courses I've done here. Luckily it wasn't wet, just windy (but sunny).
The course. 6.7 km x 17 laps. Sounds easy enough until we actually rode it. Lots of speed humps (verkeersdrempels); 13 corners a lap, including one where everyone took the shortcut along the narrow bike path, only to have to jump off the gutter on the other side, but if you went the full way around, you would lose 30m; and COBBLES. Yes, we rode up the length of Laarne's cobbled Dorpstraat which felt like it was 3km long but was probably only 500m. But at the end, we turned sharp left and went across another 500m of cobbles, although these were the lighter red paver variety. Would have been ok but for all the raised round metal platforms. Even the asphalt roads had big bumps!
So all this probably explains why there were only 30 starters, as most had the sense to go to Zwijnaarde. But if I had the choice next year, I'd probably still race in Laarne because I'm a glutton for punishment.
We merrily set off and after about 500m the attacks started, in preparation for the first crossing of the cobbles. I assumed the position about 2/3 of the way back and just tried to ride like Johan Museeuw softly-softly across the cobbles, failing miserably of course. My cornering wasn't quite up to par today, and the bike path-gutter jump corner gave me a lot of grief (as it did the others).
After about half an hour we were still hanging together, but there had already been veel attacks, most of which were instigated by the "local" John Saey team, which had 50 riders in the race and all of them in every attack. I'm exaggerating for the sake of the story. I never do that normally.
Things started to fragment into bigger bits on the cobbles, and I found myself with a couple of others trying to chase 13 leaders. The gap was 10-15 seconds and I was well into the 180+ Danger Will Robinson Danger red zone so I was trying to look incognito and not do too much. Hard when there's only three. Thankfully were were joined by a few more over the next laps, with the leaders still 10 seconds in front.
We had seven of us and I knew this was a golden opportunity to make the front group FOR ONCE but although I could suffer at 180-185, there was nothing extra in the tank for that final jump. One guy almost dragged us all the way to the leaders, but didn't finish it off. Damn him, as I was on his wheel! Gradually, every single one of my group jumped across the small gap and made contact, and I was left with one old guy (seriously, he looked a lot older than any of the guys on the Schelde and they're all 50 plussers!).
It was depressing. He was stronger. The gap was 5 seconds and he was urging me on but neither of us could redline it enough to make the junction, where we would have had a bunch to sit on at the same speed. We continued for several laps like this before eventually the elastic snapped and the leaders went out to 30 seconds, then a minute then more. My chasing partner had spent his bikkies by this stage but once I got below 180 again, I started to come good and could lift the speed and do stronger turns. Order was restored :-)
One lap later we picked up another guy in a purple skinsuit who had been dropped from the front group and the two of us took over the workload while our venerable companion sat on. On the ninth lap I found I could ride a bit faster over the cobbles, and actually dropped him a bit but he got back on. At the end of the lap, we got the one lap to go signal and the third guy proceeded to really wind it up over the cobbles, gradually riding away from me and definitively dropping Mr 80+. That'll show the old bugger. God I hope I'm that fit when I'm his age. I've gotten used to it over here. Older masters riders aren't really like that in Australia, let me tell you!
Anyway I caught Mr Purple skinsuit on the second chunk of the cobbles and we proceeded to press our advantage home. I'm sure the old guy would have beaten me in the sprint. Mr Purple smoked me so I finished up with 20th. That was a lot tougher than the race in Bottelare. Average heart rate was 176 (dunno how long I was over 180 but it was a while), max was 190, and that wasn't in the sprint. I thought my max was 189 but clearly I haven't been trying hard enough. Actually when I'm fresh after a layoff I can hit 192.
Then I went for a cruise (and got lost) with Reinhard Vanspeybroeck, a Belgian/Aussie who I know from Perth. He's setting up an Aussie pie shop in downtown Gent, just down the road from the Vooruit, and official opening night is Monday, June 14. I'm there baby!
Reinhard races too, but he hasn't for a while due to getting things in order for the great pie unveiling. This is a first for Gent. He's hoping it'll take off like the Turkish kebab places and I wish him luck. I'll definitely be dropping in for a few pies.
Speaking of food, my great Stew is no more. I couldn't face it for a fourth night (tomorrow) so I ate the rest of it today. It wasn't so bad and I haven't got botulism yet so it's definitely one for the regular recipe book.
Hmm, it's 1:42am which means it's late. Well I don't have to get up early tomorrow at least. Maybe a quiet cruise on the second lap of the Schelde.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Blogging for survival
Times are grim here in sunny Belgium, and that necessitates cooking survival food, such as this beautiful Stew which I have photographed for the world's viewing pleasure.
Here's me stew
Being in a revealing sort of mood, I now propose to unveil the recipe of this Special Stew while listening to The Ludwig Van Beethoven's Hammerklavier Sonata, Op. 106, as played by The Alfred Brendel. Before we begin, I want you to suspend all disbelief and imagine that I am World Famous Chef(ess) Kylie Kwong, of Kylie's Heart and Soul cooking show fame. If you can do this, then the next part will be a breeze.
Firstly, acquire your ingredients from the local Delhaize supermarkt. It helps if it's actually open, although that didn't stop mum on a Sunday last year. The soup turned out alright mind you, after getting some free advice from the local populace that happened to be hanging around the non-used food area outside Delhaize.
Anyway, you will need some beautiful stewing meat from a dead animal. 534g should be about right. You will also need beautiful onions and garlic - the latter in great enough quantities so that you don't have to go and see Van Helsing. Next the mushrooms and beautiful red capsicum or paprika, depending on where you live. Some tinned tomatoes or tomato puree, beautiful of course. A stock cube and some - ahem - beautiful stew mix that you find in aisle 2. This is known in the Trade as Cheating.
The final, and obviously critical ingredient, is a bottle of the finest Belgian beer. For this particular recipe I chose some Rodenbach, which has been aged for the last 6 weeks in my fridge.
Method
Chop onions and garlic (beautifully) with a kitchen knife. Try not to cut your hand open this time. Then the meat, which can probably just be chopped in half as no-one will know. If you've got time, then chop the mushrooms in half and the capsicum or paprika into little bits.
While you are doing this - and this is proof that men can multitask - heat some water or oil in a big pot (like the one you see in the photo) with the heat on max. In order to clear space on the chopping board, you have to chuck everything in the pot as you go. Don't worry about browning the onions and the meat as it's a bloody waste of time and you'll only burn them.
By the time you've chopped up the beautiful mushrooms, almost everything, including the packet of stew mix, should be in or somewhere near the pot. But not the beer. You do this last, because that's what gives the Stew its authentic flavour. Timing and poise are everything.
Crack open the beer, pour half of it into the Stew which should now be bubbling away and will froth up when the beer goes in. You should drink the other half of the beer straight away or it will get warm. This helps the relaxation and gives you the necessary strength to continue.
Go away and leave the Stew for three quarters of an hour or longer if you've got something to do. This should be about the same time as it takes to listen to the entire Hammerklavier. Then stir it hard, getting all the bits that have vulcanised themselves to the bottom of the pot into the general flow of the Stew. Once this is done, your beautiful Stew is ready to ingest.
Serve with spuds and more beer. And here's a trick that I learned when I was young at my father's knee: Open the page of Larousse Gastronomique to 'Botulism' because you can never be too careful.
Here's me stew
Being in a revealing sort of mood, I now propose to unveil the recipe of this Special Stew while listening to The Ludwig Van Beethoven's Hammerklavier Sonata, Op. 106, as played by The Alfred Brendel. Before we begin, I want you to suspend all disbelief and imagine that I am World Famous Chef(ess) Kylie Kwong, of Kylie's Heart and Soul cooking show fame. If you can do this, then the next part will be a breeze.
Firstly, acquire your ingredients from the local Delhaize supermarkt. It helps if it's actually open, although that didn't stop mum on a Sunday last year. The soup turned out alright mind you, after getting some free advice from the local populace that happened to be hanging around the non-used food area outside Delhaize.
Anyway, you will need some beautiful stewing meat from a dead animal. 534g should be about right. You will also need beautiful onions and garlic - the latter in great enough quantities so that you don't have to go and see Van Helsing. Next the mushrooms and beautiful red capsicum or paprika, depending on where you live. Some tinned tomatoes or tomato puree, beautiful of course. A stock cube and some - ahem - beautiful stew mix that you find in aisle 2. This is known in the Trade as Cheating.
The final, and obviously critical ingredient, is a bottle of the finest Belgian beer. For this particular recipe I chose some Rodenbach, which has been aged for the last 6 weeks in my fridge.
Method
Chop onions and garlic (beautifully) with a kitchen knife. Try not to cut your hand open this time. Then the meat, which can probably just be chopped in half as no-one will know. If you've got time, then chop the mushrooms in half and the capsicum or paprika into little bits.
While you are doing this - and this is proof that men can multitask - heat some water or oil in a big pot (like the one you see in the photo) with the heat on max. In order to clear space on the chopping board, you have to chuck everything in the pot as you go. Don't worry about browning the onions and the meat as it's a bloody waste of time and you'll only burn them.
By the time you've chopped up the beautiful mushrooms, almost everything, including the packet of stew mix, should be in or somewhere near the pot. But not the beer. You do this last, because that's what gives the Stew its authentic flavour. Timing and poise are everything.
Crack open the beer, pour half of it into the Stew which should now be bubbling away and will froth up when the beer goes in. You should drink the other half of the beer straight away or it will get warm. This helps the relaxation and gives you the necessary strength to continue.
Go away and leave the Stew for three quarters of an hour or longer if you've got something to do. This should be about the same time as it takes to listen to the entire Hammerklavier. Then stir it hard, getting all the bits that have vulcanised themselves to the bottom of the pot into the general flow of the Stew. Once this is done, your beautiful Stew is ready to ingest.
Serve with spuds and more beer. And here's a trick that I learned when I was young at my father's knee: Open the page of Larousse Gastronomique to 'Botulism' because you can never be too careful.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Blog ambition
This is getting addictive. I was gunna wait a coupla days but I had spare time (i.e. it's not yet midnight) so I added a Golf Links on the right hand side of this bilgespot below the archives. So if any of youse have got an interesting link or putting green, then please email it to me and it will sit in the Link Evaluation Queue powered by SRAM and be put upon for some time. Thank you.
And now for some real news:
...
[that's internet-speak for silence]
Yes that's right, I had a semi-day off today. Ooh la la, wot fun. I actually got up at sparrow fart (8:00am) to get 55 km in before I started work and took it easy, as did everyone else in the smallish bunch which was a bit odd for a Tuesday. Clearly all partied out from Monday.
Der Kaiser ist zurück!!!!!. Yeehaa, I say.
Apart from that, the most exciting cycling news of the day was that Roberto Gaggioli got suspended for a year for assaulting someone with a 2x4. What a goose. He should have used a 4x2. Or even a 4x4. Then the assaultee wouldn't have got up so quick. No comment about the horse hormones found in Mark French's room, suffice to say that I didn't put them there. He was only 19, and that reminds me of a bad song.
Speaking of bad songs, I've been listening to a combination of Rachmanninov (concertos 2 & 3), Nine Inch Nails, Björk, Vaughan Williams, Massive Attack and The Cardigans all at once. That means I now own music by a band that begins with "The". This wasn't the case prior to 2004, unless you count The Ludwig van Beethoven. What does this portend?
You can tell this has been an interesting day by the semi-congealed bits of gibberish that I am now pouring out onto the blog for posterior's sake. I think I did washing and shopping. The long weekend really took its toll on my muesli bar supply, but I'm happy to report it's back to pre-Christmas levels. No word on the chocolate ice cream burglar yet, but as I now have a brand new and UNOPENED (as of Wednesday, June 2, 12:06am) tub of Carte d'Or DARK chocolate ice creamy goodness, it's only a matter of time.
It's now Wednesday, June 2, 12:07am and the Carte d'Or DARK chocolate ice cream tub in the freezer - which is just a couple of metres away - is still unopened. Still. Unopened.
<internal struggle>
Several minutes pass...
</internal struggle>
The reason why it's still unopened at 12:09am is that I actually went out to dinner chez Sunderlands in Zottegem and they had dame blanche with chocolate sauce which I found to be sufficient, especially after Authentic Flemish pork schnitzel (with Authentic Tandoori Colouring), mashed spud, mushrooms and cauliflower. I think there was tomato in there somewhere too. And some beer 'n wine 'n stuff. It was good to see S+S+S+T again, but S is looking a bit tired from looking after 1.5 year old T. The other S is busy collecting Pokemon cards and annoying T, while big S was just back from the Tour of Luxembourg where he was doing ok until the last day when he dehydrated himself a bit. It was warm there, yet two hours away in Belgium it was raining. Quelle strange weather Batman.
Uhm, so yeah, that was it. But wait, there's more. I added a Golf Links to the bilgespot and some more bilge. As I said above, this is getting dangerously addictive but I'll try and restrict myself to 2-3 posts a week. That might be easier than not opening the Carte d'Or chocolate ice cream tub on Wednesday, June 2 at 12:19am. Which I won't do of course. I have principles.
Morpheus is calling,
Jeff
p.s. thanks y'all for yer feedback. 'tis dangerous to encourage me ;-)
And now for some real news:
...
[that's internet-speak for silence]
Yes that's right, I had a semi-day off today. Ooh la la, wot fun. I actually got up at sparrow fart (8:00am) to get 55 km in before I started work and took it easy, as did everyone else in the smallish bunch which was a bit odd for a Tuesday. Clearly all partied out from Monday.
Der Kaiser ist zurück!!!!!. Yeehaa, I say.
Apart from that, the most exciting cycling news of the day was that Roberto Gaggioli got suspended for a year for assaulting someone with a 2x4. What a goose. He should have used a 4x2. Or even a 4x4. Then the assaultee wouldn't have got up so quick. No comment about the horse hormones found in Mark French's room, suffice to say that I didn't put them there. He was only 19, and that reminds me of a bad song.
Speaking of bad songs, I've been listening to a combination of Rachmanninov (concertos 2 & 3), Nine Inch Nails, Björk, Vaughan Williams, Massive Attack and The Cardigans all at once. That means I now own music by a band that begins with "The". This wasn't the case prior to 2004, unless you count The Ludwig van Beethoven. What does this portend?
You can tell this has been an interesting day by the semi-congealed bits of gibberish that I am now pouring out onto the blog for posterior's sake. I think I did washing and shopping. The long weekend really took its toll on my muesli bar supply, but I'm happy to report it's back to pre-Christmas levels. No word on the chocolate ice cream burglar yet, but as I now have a brand new and UNOPENED (as of Wednesday, June 2, 12:06am) tub of Carte d'Or DARK chocolate ice creamy goodness, it's only a matter of time.
It's now Wednesday, June 2, 12:07am and the Carte d'Or DARK chocolate ice cream tub in the freezer - which is just a couple of metres away - is still unopened. Still. Unopened.
<internal struggle>
Several minutes pass...
</internal struggle>
The reason why it's still unopened at 12:09am is that I actually went out to dinner chez Sunderlands in Zottegem and they had dame blanche with chocolate sauce which I found to be sufficient, especially after Authentic Flemish pork schnitzel (with Authentic Tandoori Colouring), mashed spud, mushrooms and cauliflower. I think there was tomato in there somewhere too. And some beer 'n wine 'n stuff. It was good to see S+S+S+T again, but S is looking a bit tired from looking after 1.5 year old T. The other S is busy collecting Pokemon cards and annoying T, while big S was just back from the Tour of Luxembourg where he was doing ok until the last day when he dehydrated himself a bit. It was warm there, yet two hours away in Belgium it was raining. Quelle strange weather Batman.
Uhm, so yeah, that was it. But wait, there's more. I added a Golf Links to the bilgespot and some more bilge. As I said above, this is getting dangerously addictive but I'll try and restrict myself to 2-3 posts a week. That might be easier than not opening the Carte d'Or chocolate ice cream tub on Wednesday, June 2 at 12:19am. Which I won't do of course. I have principles.
Morpheus is calling,
Jeff
p.s. thanks y'all for yer feedback. 'tis dangerous to encourage me ;-)
Bottelare
It's late but here goes... (why does everyone hold their races on public holidays? Don't answer that).
As intended, I did get out to Bottelare (fourth one down) for a Monday kermis, and actually had a half decent race. There were only 31 starters, due to the large number of races on in the area. Must have been five or six within a 30 km radius, and all had between 30-60 starters. Although this makes it easier to finish in the top 30 :-) it actually makes for a harder race because the bunch splits up so quickly.
The course was 13 laps of 8.7 km, with some long straights, a climb/descent and three cobbled corners. Not a bad course at all actually. It was raining lightly when I rode out, and for the first part of the race the roads were half wet which made things interesting. It got even more interesting after about 5 laps when the heavens opened for a lap and it pissed down on us. I am slowly losing my fear of corners, but cobbles in the wet are never much fun.
As soon as it started raining, the bunch really sped up and everyone started attacking madly. I got up the front and held my posi for about half a lap (a Good Plan), then lost it all when a series of attacks went. The bunch blew to bits on the false flat/uphill headwind section, and very quickly a group of 16 formed that the rest of us had no hope in catching.
Not deterred this time, and more interested in getting some good race training in, I had a go over the top of the hill and took one guy with me. Unfortunately he was not so strong and was also the world's worst cornerer. I mean I'm bad enough, and I was putting several lengths into him around each one. Waiting, waiting, waiting... So we were doomed and the rest of the stragglers caught back on after about half a lap.
There were now 12 of us left and the 16 leaders were outta sight, so we rolled over fairly well for a whole lap, before I had another go on the climb. This time we ended up with six guys and we were all working!! Unheard of!! That made my day, believe me, and I was actually really surprised when we got caught by two others.
Still not deterred, I followed an attack by Peter Ballet (who rides with us on the Schelde) over the top of the hill, having determined that this was the best place to get a gap. This time we ended up with just four, and the others didn't come back. There was a strong Russian guy from Bert Story Piels (TT3) there and I didn't fancy my chances of getting away from him, so we just rode together for some more laps until they gave us the laatste ronde with 4 laps to go.
I had an ok sprint in that it felt fast, but I still ended up 4th out of 4 :-). I tried to glue myself to the Russian's wheel but he was hella strong. Anyway, ended up with 20th and a good 90 km in the legs so that was the object of the exercise. Last year I didn't get one top 20 result, even in a race where there were only 21 starters :-) [stem bolt came loose].
Jeez, better clean the bike again.
a demain,
Jeff
As intended, I did get out to Bottelare (fourth one down) for a Monday kermis, and actually had a half decent race. There were only 31 starters, due to the large number of races on in the area. Must have been five or six within a 30 km radius, and all had between 30-60 starters. Although this makes it easier to finish in the top 30 :-) it actually makes for a harder race because the bunch splits up so quickly.
The course was 13 laps of 8.7 km, with some long straights, a climb/descent and three cobbled corners. Not a bad course at all actually. It was raining lightly when I rode out, and for the first part of the race the roads were half wet which made things interesting. It got even more interesting after about 5 laps when the heavens opened for a lap and it pissed down on us. I am slowly losing my fear of corners, but cobbles in the wet are never much fun.
As soon as it started raining, the bunch really sped up and everyone started attacking madly. I got up the front and held my posi for about half a lap (a Good Plan), then lost it all when a series of attacks went. The bunch blew to bits on the false flat/uphill headwind section, and very quickly a group of 16 formed that the rest of us had no hope in catching.
Not deterred this time, and more interested in getting some good race training in, I had a go over the top of the hill and took one guy with me. Unfortunately he was not so strong and was also the world's worst cornerer. I mean I'm bad enough, and I was putting several lengths into him around each one. Waiting, waiting, waiting... So we were doomed and the rest of the stragglers caught back on after about half a lap.
There were now 12 of us left and the 16 leaders were outta sight, so we rolled over fairly well for a whole lap, before I had another go on the climb. This time we ended up with six guys and we were all working!! Unheard of!! That made my day, believe me, and I was actually really surprised when we got caught by two others.
Still not deterred, I followed an attack by Peter Ballet (who rides with us on the Schelde) over the top of the hill, having determined that this was the best place to get a gap. This time we ended up with just four, and the others didn't come back. There was a strong Russian guy from Bert Story Piels (TT3) there and I didn't fancy my chances of getting away from him, so we just rode together for some more laps until they gave us the laatste ronde with 4 laps to go.
I had an ok sprint in that it felt fast, but I still ended up 4th out of 4 :-). I tried to glue myself to the Russian's wheel but he was hella strong. Anyway, ended up with 20th and a good 90 km in the legs so that was the object of the exercise. Last year I didn't get one top 20 result, even in a race where there were only 21 starters :-) [stem bolt came loose].
Jeez, better clean the bike again.
a demain,
Jeff
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